Saturday, February 17, 2007

Excuse Me Please, My Grace is Gone

While some of you know Poker Chick better than others, you're all no doubt familiar with her clumsiness (hey, it's endearing!) Lately she's been at her finest. Here's a banner example. It's written in the first person for a change.

Thursday: I go to an early appointment before work. Being the lazy-ass that I am, I of course don't set my alarm much earlier than usual, which means no time to blow dry the hair. I'm also arrogant and stubborn, so I assume this will not be an issue: I'll get a taxi right away. Now a reasonably intelligent person would have perhaps thought that it might be harder than usual to get a cab a day after a snowstorm; not to mention one where it's so cold all the ice has frozen. But we're not talking about a normal person. We're talking about Poker Chick (that would be me). Can you guess what happens next?

Real hard, right? Yeah. So I can't get a cab to save my life. After 15 minutes of trying and several blocks of walking I concede defeat and wait for the bus. My ears are so cold, they literally hurt. Like burning hurt. I've got no hat of course. Hey, know what happens to wet hair in the cold with no hat? It freezes. It froze into the scrunched-up curls I had tried to achieve. Eventually, it thawed at work, but still had that "frozen" look all day. Fortunately, I was able to not break it while it was still frozen. (I learned that lesson the hard way after several repeat ice storms my freshman year of college.)

When I finally made it to my appointment, 40 minutes and two bus transfers later, I'd practically missed it. So I went to work. After defrosting, I decided I was ready to look like a normal person again. I put makeup on (yep, that step got skipped in favor of extra sleep as well) and took my jacket off and my snow boots off so I could put on the nice black boots that went with my awesome new-ish black dress. Now, it was at this point that I finally breathed a sigh of relief. I was dressed. The hair was almost dry. I had my "Poker Face" on (ha! I kill me!) As I grabbed my soft boots I felt re-energized and ready to start my day. That was when I went to put one on and realized I had been schlepping the wrong boots with me all morning.

This left me with three options:
  1. Walk barefoot in the office all day
  2. Wear snowboots with the dress all day or
  3. Wear 5-year old out-of-style ankle boots with a knee length dress
Um, no. None of the above please (though for the record if forced to choose I'd pick option #1 without question).

But I wasn't forced to choose and couldn't accept defeat again. So there went my relief and on came the snowboots and jacket. I'd decided to cab it and run home and back to get the right shoes. I was all the way at the lobby when I realized I had one dollar in my wallet. Sigh.

So up I went again. At this point, I was so determined to not look like I wasn't put together, I decided I had to get those shoes no matter what. In desparation, I borrowed money from Lauren. Yes, the eager hard-working woman who used to be on my team. She's barely two years out of college and makes so little dough, she can't even afford internet access at home. But I borrowed money from her anyway. This is how low I've sunk in the name of vanity.

I'm pleased to report it worked out eventually. By 11 o'clock that morning I was a decent-looking, non-snow boot wearing, working woman again.
And my debt has been repaid (in fact I think Lauren may owe me money now....)

Sadly, such is a typical day in Poker Chick's life. Those who aren't satisfied might want to hear the one a week earlier when I spilled soy sauce all over my carpet. Immediately after, I dragged my brother on a dare to get carpet cleaner downstairs at Rite Aid, even though I was in my pyjamas. If you want to hear more of this klutzy story (or choose from hundreds of others!) feel free to find me off-line. I can tell them with much more dramatic effect in person anyway.

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