Thursday, March 20, 2008

Poker Chick Needs a Big Venti

Start with a 9am meeting. But wait! The husband is out of town today. Shoot. Wait for nanny. Pray she is not late. Bolt when she arrives. Run to subway. Arrive at work at 8:59, panting, wheezing. Mutter self-deprecating curse words.

Dial into call. Wait ten minutes because everyone else is late. Ignore call waiting two times, assistant takes messages and hands you a memo. Look at the clock. Uh oh. This call was supposed to end at 10 and it's 10:20. You have a 10:30 that's critical. Spend five minutes waiting for an opening to politely excuse yourself off the call. Silently beat yourself up for the awkward moment that results.

Team walks in for the 10:30. Hang up the phone and dial the next call. Knock your head on the desk a bit. While the outcome of the call was good, turns out it was not necessary. The call went well because someone had the discussion off-line beforehand and sold an idea. Excellent news. So then we are all on the call for...?

11am. An unexpected hour opens up. Spend hour returning phone calls and advising direct reports.

12am. Run for food, knowing it's your only window. Literally, run.

12:35, devour salad at desk (yes, we know you don't make friends with salad) while staring at your cell phone wondering why your 12:30 hasn't called. Other phone rings, pick up and answer a few questions. Notice voicemail beeping on your cell phone. D*mn phone didn't even ring! Mutter curse words. Pick up phone to return call. Notice this person is already on your other line. Press button to answer call waiting but no one is there. Assistant must have picked it up.
Return call (again). End call and go right into 1:30 conference call. Begin subsequent freakout when 2:30 end time turns into 3:00, which was the drop dead time you needed to leave to not be late for the orthodontist.

3:10. Run out to try and get a taxi. Mutter self-deprecating curse words as you realize how much money you are wasting today. Watch someone steal a cab from you. Twice. Finally get one and the guy inside takes forever to pay and get out. He is clearly a tourist (sorry, peeps, but there's a few things you have to know before you visit here. New Yorkers are not exactly patient. Have the money ready). Get in cab, go one block then get caught in gridlock. Mutter curse words and wonder if you are in fact in some cartoon hell.

3:30. Run to orthdontist, panting, wheezing. Barely made it. Go through exam, agree to be new guinea pig. Try and get another taxi. Force door open that keeps getting pushed closed through unusually insane winds. Mutter curse words against mother nature and the gods in the universe that are clearly against you today.

4:30. Arrive back at office. Run to desk. Begin to answer emails and check voicemail. Still in coat, purse on lap, phone rings. It's big boy. He wants to know when he can see you. A fair question, given he lives halfway across the world and has been in town for two days. He wants you to come home early tonight. You can't. He wants you to take off work tomorrow. You can't. He reminds you nanny is out tomorrow and it's Purim. Sh*t. You had forgotten. The costume parade in school. You were going to take off lunch the next day to go. But now you have meetings from 9-1:30 tomorrow. Not the kind that can be moved. So who's going to be there for the mini? Double sh*t. You can't deal with this now. Team member walks into your office, tells you they wants to run you downstairs to check some work. Sigh. Tell Big Boy you can't talk. Again. Think about how much you are disappointing everyone. Guilt feels like cr*p. Shoot. You're distracted. Throw off jacket, grab a folder and head downstairs. Wonder when you will get a bathroom break. Silently amuse yourself playing out scenarios of doom in your head where lack of bathroom breaks lead to some strange disease and wonder how you would explain that.

Arrive downstairs and go through several storyboards in painstaking detail. Field calls on cell phone while down there, assistant looking for you, she wants to confirm flight you asked her to book earlier. You tell her after the last meeting you need to stay an extra day and you're in a meeting. She calls back several times. Needs to get your arrangements straight because you keep changing them. Oh, and by the way so and so wanted you to call them on their cell. You stare at your phone, wondering how you're supposed to have two conversations at once. A split second later, you put the phone down, recognizing where you are is your biggest work priority and everything else will have to wait. Let the chips fall....

5:50. Run back upstairs. You're in trouble. Need to return some calls. Must leave office no later than 6:15. Husband is traveling. Must show nanny you can actually get home on time, for once. Wondering how this is going to happen. Boss IMs you with questions, Client calls at the same time. Try and figure out who to talk to first. Cover all but now it's 6:45. Start panicking. Call nanny and try to hide shame in your voice. Husband calls. Can't believe you're still at work. You can't talk. You must RUN.

Bad mood in full force. Pick fights with everyone you can. Realize you were supposed to make hamentaschen for school tonight and now can't. Mutter self-deprecating curse words. Stop at supermarket and buy graham crackers as subsitute. Beat yourself up for picking the wrong checkout line. Watch elderly man take what seems like 10 minutes to pay.

Run to bank. Nanny needs money for the week. See unusual line for ATM. Watch in amazement as you realize the holdup is the same elderly man from the supermarket. Begin calclulating odds in your head and wonder why the universe is (now undoubtedly) against you today.

7:20. Miraculously home only 20 minutes late. Nanny runs, bath needs to be started. Spend next two hours snapping at everyone some more. Watch dinner go cold (again) as you type out frustrations.

All this stress, everything's a mess. Full-on chaos. I do not like these days, not one bit. And if you've been snapped at by Poker Chick today, well, you got into the middle of it. But don't worry, she'll take care of it. Tomorrow she shall mutter self-deprecating curse words about it.

1 comment:

ALM said...

Wow. Thanks so much for making my days feel calm! Happy Purim!