Monday, September 29, 2008

Chag Sameach

Poker Chick would like to wish fellow members of the tribe (and their families) a Shana Tova. If this applies to you, you'll know what it means.

Health, joy, and love to you all. And may you never burn the potatoes.

Saturday, September 27, 2008

Things That Make a Poker Chick Happy

September is National Food Safety Awareness Month. Well, it's loads of other things, and Poker Chick is thinking about all the things it could be, like National hug-a-monkey month. Hug-a-monkey! That would be funny. Anyway. Poker Chick digresses.

The cool thing about the food thing is that this year's theme is "take action to prevent an allergic reaction". Seriously. For all you parents and teachers and chefs out there, you should know the best way to make this Chick happy is to be respectful and understanding of the food thing. That alone helps more than you can ever know.

Thanks, Allergic Girl, for bringing this to our attention. Check it out.

Sunday, September 21, 2008

Is Parenting This Tiring For Everyone?

Poker Chick just realized that she literally did not sit down once between 1pm and 6:30pm today. And most of that time was walking errands too. Now, in NYC, "errands" or "shopping" means walking 4 miles (total, over the course of the day) while holding a 34 lb. child and pushing a stroller, often at the same time, and somehow balancing this with purchases made on said errands. Now imagine this kind of day on the Sunday after you had your special Saturday two-hour nonstop pilates marathon.

Ow. Cannot....move. Ow.

Interestingly enough, while getting a pedicure from 9:30-10:30am this morning (her only free time today), Poker Chick read that 75 minutes of pilates burns 500 calories.

So...120 minutes of pilates + 4 miles of walking, plus carrying bags + carrying a 34-lb. child and/or 11-lb. stroller = how many calories? Who knows. This chick is waaaay too sore to do math right now.

Friday, September 19, 2008

Happy "International Talk Like a Pirate Day"

Ahoy! The wee lass has declared she is once again going to be a pirate on Halloween. We ain't lyin', she did it all on her own. Out of the blue. Poker Chick is most pleased.

But now for the real story, lads and lasses. T'reporrrrrrt on her other post, Poker Chick is happy to tell ya that it would appear the booty was intended to be so free. She received several follow up emails. One, a notification of shipment ho! Another, a notification of a few back-ordered items with a sincere apology. Then two more. One, a giant coupon off future loot. And another, a jolly celebration of "International Talk Like a Pirate Day," (no, really, it's real), claiming a lucky few ordering today will have their order comped. So they really do this stuff, do they? Randomly comp orders?

Shiver me timbers!! Methinks me conscience is now clear.

Well, we'll still drop off 5 giant bags of clothes and shoes to Goodwill this weekend. You know, karma and all. That's karrrrrrma to you.

Tuesday, September 16, 2008

Cupcakes For Everyone

Now that school's in again, Poker Chick is getting a lot of questions of how to deal with food allergies at birthday parties. It's easy. Thanks to these guys, you can have your cake and eat it too. And p.s. the pancakes rock.

Monday, September 15, 2008

Thanking Her Peeps

We can't thank our readers enough! 5,000 visitors is an amazing milestone. We're both honored and flattered. Keep reading, will ya?

The $744 Shopping Spree

Ever enter contests, daydreaming about spending like crazy in any store? Ever wonder what it must feel like to buy anything you want without even thinking twice about how much it costs?

Last night Poker Chick got the chance to experience what we'll call shopping euphoria. Here's the story:

Unlike most parents, who purchase back-to-school items before the start of the school year, Poker Chick likes to wait until school's started and scramble at the last minute. That's just the kind of forward-thinking parent she is. On this particular occasion, while purchasing a few basics, she decided to get it all at once and order the winter coat. Last year it took a few weeks to arrive so she gave herself points for not leaving everything until the last minute.

In a rare moment of hyper-responsibility, she went through Upromise (4%!) and even found a strange but valid-looking coupon online. Buy 3 items, get the 4th for $1. Cool. So of course this gave her license to add some things to the order. A cute sweater dress the mini "needs" for all those birthday parties she'll be going to. 4 pairs of tights because she couldn't decide which went with it best. A nightie. And so on until she had spent a couple of hundred dollars or so.

And then a funny thing happened. It looked like she was getting more items for $1 than she should. She experimented, adding a few things to the order to see what happened, removing others. Finally, she figured out that she was getting any item $28 or less for $1. That was some coupon. She stopped trying to figure it out and pressed on. This was the stuff shopping dreams were made of.

So she added. And added. And added.

Seriously, she couldn't believe it. She'd chosen every long-sleeved t-shirt on the site, and they were all $1. That's long-sleeve, peeps. She got more colors. Still, the order just increased by a few dollars. It was unbelieveable. Each time she clicked on the "add" button, she froze in fear, waiting for the "total" to jump to some kind of excessive amount. Each time it increased by only $1.

At this point she had to get creative. She couldn't buy more expensive items, but she could buy every shirt already in her cart in the next size up. After all, the mini will need clothes for next year too.

So she added again. And again. And again.

When she'd added every shirt she moved on to accessories. Socks. Tights. Footless tights. Underwear. Undershirts. Wellies. The order continued to go up by just $1 each click.

When it was time to hit "submit" on the credit card, Poker Chick's heart was pounding. She wasn't sure exactly how many items were on her list, she had stopped counting at 30. The total hadn't changed but she was afraid, very afraid. She clenched her fists and squeezed her eyes shut and clicked.

And then came the order confirmation via email. A couple hundred dollars of big-ticket items and $744 of free stuff. Confirmed. On its way. She could hardly breathe.

Who's gonna be the best-dressed kid in pre-school this year? That's right!

Thanks, magic internet genie! And the free shipping? Nice touch, dude.


Stay tuned to see if we actually get the order. An interesting experiment indeed.

Saturday, September 13, 2008

Thank you, Tina!

I was right! How often do you get to say that?

So much so, turns out, that NBC pounced on the likeness Poker Chick called over a week ago. The resemblance is so uncanny that even as she types this, Poker husband is still challenging, claiming that it really is Sarah Palin on SNL's season premiere opening. Let's all re-watch Dave and do some scenario planning, shall we?

How many of you think McCain would win hands-down if Tina Fey was his actual running mate?

Hell, yeah.

Friday, September 12, 2008

America, The Stupid - Part II

Part II: Uh-oh, Poker Chick is getting political...

Indulge her a moment while she gets on her political soapbox, will you? Don't worry, it won't happen often. But something's gone horribly awry with this election. Read Emily's post today for a brilliant but sad commentary on this year's political circus they call "campaigning".

So start paying attention, peeps. Make sure you're registered and then read up. And no, People doesn't count.* Then, make your informed choice and exercise your right to vote this November. Whether it's McCain, Obama, or Nader (pause for shudder), never forget that your vote counts just as much as any of theirs.

This concludes today's installment of Deep Thoughts from Poker Chick.

If you've got a few minutes, watch this hilarious monologue. PC couldn't have said it better herself.

*No offense meant against you, People Magazine. We're big fans!! It's just not intended to be a sole provider of political news. But we still love it! In fact, just to show there's no hard feelings, if you peeps at People want to send Poker Chick some free issues, that'd be great!

America, The Stupid

Part I: What the hell happened to television?

Combine this nation's love of idiotic shows with a writer's strike, and what do you get?

Oh, world. We are truly embarrassed.

Saturday, September 6, 2008

This Isn't Facebook But...

Poker Chick is wondering whether or not chocolate cheesecake really can cure all that ails you.

The Frog and the Crab

One hot summer day, a certain woman we know went to a quiet swimming pool to cool off. A city dweller herself, she had spent a long summer cooped up in a humid, concrete island. Not that the weather mattered. With her work hours she spent more time on airplanes or under fluorescent lights than in the beautiful sun anyway.

This pool was her reward. And there it was. After days of gray nearly ruining her vacation she finally got her one perfect day, the one she had been waiting for all summer. 85 degrees and sunny, not a cloud in the sky, nothing to hear but birds and crickets, and the pool was all hers.

Except it wasn't.

This guy had gotten there first:

Did we mention she was a city dweller? Not exactly the kind to rave about living in harmony with "nature's gifts". More likely, in fact, to squeak. Or squeal. Something like that. We have a vague memory of something that sounded like an "eek, get it out!", but we're not quite sure.

So after a couple of minutes with a pool net thingie (apparently they're called "skimmers") Poker husband removed said frog from the pool. She prepared herself to get over the drama and go for a calm swim while everyone else in the house was still sleeping.

No sooner had she put her toe in the water long enough to feel how warm and lovely the pool was, she saw this guy:

See how creepy he looks?

He was about to attack her foot but she got out just in time. Again, Poker husband came down with the net thing ("skimmer"? really?). But unlike the poor frog who was DOA (apparently he was not aware he was biologically unprepared for chlorine), the crab was very much alive. So every time he got caught he quickly jumped back into the pool. It took much longer to get him out and back on sand.

We don't really need to tell you that she didn't feel much like swimming after that, do we?

Wednesday, September 3, 2008

That Which Is Less Sweet

Is it just Poker Chick or have these cupcakes gotten substantially smaller in cirumference?

Games for 8-year Old Boys

Poker Chick is wondering aloud if Bubbly ever beat the Indiana Jones game on Wii.

Monday, September 1, 2008

Who's Paying Attention?

Please tell me someone got the reference to "duck hunt" in a previous post. C'mon. Anyone?