Wednesday, November 19, 2008

It's in the Jeans, Man

Poker Chick is a fan of fashion but likes to think she's not a slave to it. There's a time to splurge, a time to buy knock-offs, and a time to just say nooo. Thus, when new trends come out, she doesn't rush to follow them just because they're "cool". But sometimes, a chick gets sucked in.

Cue skinny jeans.

For years, PC has spoken out against them. They should be banned. The laws of physics mean they can't possibly look good on anyone who's not a tall thin supermodel. Skinny jeans are totally unflattering to 99.9% of the population. Sure, you can "hide" them with fake names such as "pencil" "cigarette" and "slim" but they're all just variations of the traditional skinny jean.

Why, you ask? Let's go over the anatomy of a woman, starting at the waist: the narrowest part of the torso. Go down to the hips and you have to move wider. With good jeans, the silhouette goes straight down or even flared from the hips, making the woman seem narrower. With skinny jeans, the ankles are narrow, accentuating a woman's middle. Pear-shape, muffin top, love handles, whatever your problem it's all hanging out there for the world to see. Do we really want our clothes to yell" "Hey, world! Look at me! Check out the mom hips!"

No. We don't. So not hot. Hence our aversion to "mom jeans". Which is why Poker Chick can not comprehend why this skinny jean trend is still in fashion.

Of course, with skinny jeans come boots. And this girl just got a cute pair that she can't smoosh her favorite jeans into and still zip up. And really, what's the point of the cute boots if no one can see them?

Thus, at the end of a bitterly cold Wednesday, Poker Chick found herself in a NYC boutique forking over a credit card in exchange for a pair of the latest "must have" skinny jeans.

Look away, peeps. We are so very ashamed.

No comments: