Tuesday, March 17, 2009

Network Television Finally Brings Food Allergy Awareness into the Mainstream

"C'mon guys, we've gotta get a move on!"
"What is that?"
"Peanut butter"
"Mom, we're a peanut free school"
"I know, but...Justin ate all the turkey, so just tell your teacher that it's (puts finger on mouth in shushing motion and whispers) soy butter"

The above dialogue is presented with thanks to ABC for airing it in this past Sunday's episode of "Brothers and Sisters". Now, we know what you think Poker Chick might be about to say, but we'll surprise you here. It's actually good to see a national network taking an issue present in most schools and bringing it to the mainstream. And since mothers of young children must be pretty big in this show's demographic, they are the perfect segment to be influenced by ABC's message regarding parents' roles in keeping our schools safe.

Poker Chick is most pleased to see the show taking moral responsibility seriously in its story lines, so much so, in fact, that she has been inspired to offer a similar scenario to the network for consideration:*

Keggers for Kiddos
(teenage girl on phone)
"Mom, why are you handing me the car keys? "
"Honey, I have to go take care of something, so please do me a favor and take your little brother to karate"
"But mom, I've had three beers. You know I'm not allowed."
"I know sweetie, but it's just once, it'll be fine, I promise."
"But what if a cop stops me?"
"Just tell them that it was some (whispers) bad apple juice and its.....its fermenting in your stomach. You'll make something up."
"I don't have a license. I don't even have a permit".
"Well I'm your mother and I hereby permit you to drive. There. Now go."
"What about Billy?"
"Well he can have one, but only one beer."
"Mom, he's five years old."
"You're right (hands her cup). Better mix it with half water."

Don't care for this one? Here are a couple other ones Poker Chick could write for you:

Doctor, Schmoctor:
"But mom, the doctor said I'm not supposed to go to school with meningitis"

But we need the money:
"Mom, I thought we had to tell the baby's mother that our house was condemned for lead paint?"

We don't like the neighbors anyway:
"Shouldn't I wash my hands of this raw chicken before going over to take care of old Mrs. Smith?"

Poker Chick would like to invite her readers to come up with some of her own, all will be posted (and not just in the comments section). For those a little less comfortable with the limelight, please feel free to send mad props to the writers over at ABC directly. Comments can be sent to the audience relations department via this link, or sent to:

ABC, Inc.
500 S. Buena Vista Street
Burbank, CA 91521-4551

(818) 460-7477

Feel free to cc your local congressman (or woman), we hear they love this stuff. Poker Chick is working on a fan letter of her own, but it will take a couple of days to perfect. After all, what does one say to a national network who just brought the issue of food allergies at school to the forefront of people's consciousness? Millions of children with serious allergies and their parents must be speechless thinking about the wonders this has done for their safety at school. Thank you doesn't seem to do it justice. She'll keep you posted.

*Original story lines by Poker Chick; all fictitious and sarcastic. All rights reserved.


bernthis said...


Mom: well did you hit him HARD?
Mom: Son, the boy's a pussy, what can you do?

Anonymous said...

Funny, except the allergy-severity thing hasn't become as mainstream as DWI. It took a long time for shows to make their characters wear seat belts or stop smoking. Your letter-writing campaign should help!

Gray Matter said...

You are a genius! Hey, I think we both missed our calling as screen writers. How do we fix that?