Thursday, January 13, 2011

Dear subway rider....

A note...from Poker Chick:

Dear subway rider,

After years of putting up with an unnecessarily horrible subway experience, I am determined to restore civility to our commuting experience and make a ride on the Manhattan subway truly worthy of what one would expect in the "capital of the world".

So please, for the sake of your fellow riders and humanity, read Poker Chick's 5 rules to restore civility and sanity to our transit system:
  1. To the unbelievably loud ipod listener: I cringe watching your eardrums disintegrate before my very eyes. Contrary to what you might think, I do not, in fact, enjoy the extremely loud hip hop music you blast. I do not feel like partying at 8:55am. Particularly when I haven't had my morning coffee.
  2. I know this might be hard to imagine, but if a stroller is open and not folded on the subway, there might actually be a child in there. It is not a resting place for your stuff, your posse's stuff, or your elbow.
  3. If you've asked me to move forward, and I don't, did you ever stop to think I might not be able to? I don't just stand there to block people and annoy you. Do you think I like you pressing up against me so close I can feel your sweat dripping on me? No, I would move far, far away from you if I could. So if you ask me to move, and I can't, I know this sounds crazy but it might - just might - not be the best idea to push me until I'm trampled on the floor and the elbow of the person in front of me is halfway through my diaphragm.
  4. If there are only two seats open in the whole subway car, and people are packed like sardines, perhaps it's not the most thoughtful thing to sit down and lean forward with your legs spread open so wide we're all waiting for your pants to split. You really do not need that second seat just for your knee. We can all see you and I promise no matter what you might think *it* does not need that much room to breathe. I'm just sayin'.
  5. The anonymity and crowding in the subway is not an excuse to lose all your manners, morals, and decency. So keep your hands to yourself, pervert. Your little whistle isn't fooling anyone.
Manners aren't that hard, peeps. We're not asking you to know which utensils to you use. Just to keep your not-nearly-as-lovely-as-you-think-they-smell hands, knees, elbows, and loud music to yourself.

With sincere thanks,

Poker Chick

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