Sunday, January 27, 2013

W.E.S.

Don't hate us! It's just a W.E.S.
There is an expression some peeps we know invented called "W.E.S." which is short for "Weakened Emotional State".  Quite a clever acronym actually, as no self-respecting male (or female, for that matter) wants to admit they've been rendered into a blubbering fool, obsessing over what's eating at them, dragging themselves through their days and spending whole nights on the bathroom floor.

So in the case of these particular peeps it allowed some guys to let each other know they needed a little extra attention in a way that wasn't emasculating.

Picture a typical scenario where Thing 1 might be trying to get the last beer, but Thing 2 saw him coming and beat him to it.

"Nice try dude, next time be faster"

Thing 1 sits down with a heavy expression and stares ahead at nothing.

"Dude. W.E.S."

Thing 2 quietly hands over the beer.

"Oh yeah, I forgot.  Say no more"

This scenario works quite nicely in many other settings too.  Substitute the beer for the last piece of cake, or the bigger half of the burger, the hot Swedish girl you just picked up in a bar....you see where this is going.

But most importantly, it reminds friends not to forget you.

"Let's call J-dog to join, he's in a W.E.S."

That said, we can imagine its implications beyond your immediate circle of friends....

"I'm so sorry I ripped off all your eyebrows.  I'm in a W.E.S., see....."

or

"Turtle abuse!? I would never abuse a reptile!  It's just a W.E.S...."

or

"Where are my pants!? Oh my goodness, W.E.S. has caused me to fall victim to wearing tights as pants...!"

It could even go so far as being an official police cause of crime.

"Yeah, I got a big car accident here.  Nope, no foul play here, just a bad case of W.E.S."

Yes this could be huge.  W.E.S. is a veritable trump card, a sort of "get out of jail free" card for friends to get a pass on being teased for a while.

Too bad our children haven't discovered it, as it sure would help decipher those times when you're not sure if they're just misbehaving/oppositional/defiant or if something really upset them.  Wouldn't it be nice if instead of wondering if you should or shouldn't be punishing them, they could just honestly tell you "It's not me, momma.  I'm in a W.E.S."

It's only a matter of time, peeps.  W.E.S.  You heard it here first.

Thursday, January 3, 2013

Conversations with 7 year-olds

While it's commonly known that your "coolness" goes way down in your child's eyes the older they get, there apparently seems to be an inverse relationship between age of your child and amount of knowledge you have as well. The older mini gets, the less we seem to know.




Observe just one conversation on one walk home.  Mother and child pass a Chanukah menorah in the window of a bank.  It's New Years' Eve.

"Momma, they didn't take it down!"

"Well, honey, some people leave decorations for different holidays up until after January first".

"Then how come our building took down our menorah after Chanukah and the Christmas tree is still there?"

"Well, some people do that too"

"So, sometimes people keep the menorah up and sometimes they take it down after Chanukah?"

"Yes"

"But everyone keeps their Christmas tree until after January 1?"

"Pretty much, yes"

"So, if everyone keeps their Christmas tree up in their store after Christmas is over, how come not everyone keeps their menorahs up until after Chanukah?"

"That's a good question, kiddo.  I don't know".

She clearly does not like this answer.  She pauses to think, and a moment later her relaxed face lets on that she has moved on to other thoughts.  She begins jumping over seams in the sidewalk, noting that "the lines are fire".

She focuses on her game, clearly forgetting the serious thoughts she had earlier.

A few moments later.....

"Momma, how long will the earth stay?"

Damn.  The Christmas tree question was easier.

Tuesday, January 1, 2013

The Nerd Mom's Guide to New Year's

Now that we have your attention, if you're reading this you've already got an interest you might or might not care to admit in how to spend new year's as a parent in a way that does not involve spectacular hangovers.  Not that we're against ringing in the new year gangnam style with spectacular hangovers per se (in grownups, that is!), it's just that they're somewhat harder to manage when you're flying solo on parent duty.

There are many ways to bring in a new year.

Typical resolutions we will NOT be making
After a 2012 that was more eventful than most, ours was spent in perhaps the dorkiest manner possible. Baking cookies on New Year's eve.  Making a new recipe for dinner that involved pureed broccoli and pureed cauliflower, and jumping for joy that mini actually ate - and liked it.

Letting mini finally stay up to watch the ball drop on tv - and then somehow not paying for it too much the next day.

Brunch with waffles we made, and the afternoon at the math museum (before you mock, if you are in New York, get thee to the math museum pronto.  And if you're not in New York you may want to consider a road trip with the kiddos. Seriously, peeps, it's quite awesome)

Now, going to a math museum, enjoying good company, and successfully getting your picky eater to eat vegetables, all with good company might not be your idea of a perfect new year's.  And to that we say...

Hence the title of this post, peeps.

We know at least some of you will relate.

Happy New Year everyone!
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In housekeeping news.....while we're not making official UNresolutions this year, stay tuned for a little self productivity experiment coming along this month.  Meanwhile, please to enjoy the deluge of smoking cessation, weight loss foods, gym, car, job search, online dating and tax service ads you are about to get inundated with (why is this so? Answer in a previous post).