What would you do if I sang out of tune....

So now we come to Amsterdam. Land of legal prostitutes and free pot. Oh yeah, and tulips, clogs and cheese. Right. Cheese.

If you look closely, you will see in the white that this building was erected in the year 1345. Turns out this was the year of the great miracle of Amsterdam. We won't go into it, but the miracle involves a con artist and some fireproof bread.

The other day a gentleman asked Poker Chick what the difference was between Amsterdam and Rotterdam. Aside from the obvious answer, turns out Rotterdam is totally modern in comparison. Why? Because it was leveled during WWII while Amsterdam remained relatively unscathed. So Rotterdam rebuilt in the 20th century whilst in Amsterdam there are loads of buildings around for almost 1,000 years. In fact, there seems to be some law there where if you fix up a place you have to retain the integrity of the facade. So everything stays looking old. Or "charming" as realtors in the States would say.

Amsterdam was a trip. Tons of tourists, mostly from England and Australia. Couple of Americans, though not many. One thing Poker Chick did that she highly recommends was a free walking tour. It sounds cheesy, but these people make it cool and therefore their clientele is cool as well. They tell you neat facts, like the history behind those funny metal things in random street corners. Turns out, they punish junkies who want to piss in corners by repelling it back and in some evil cases even electrocuting them. That's Dutch initiative for you. Poker Chick sends a shout out to Basilio, for being the most awesomest tour guide. We also send a shout out to our new friend Clare, who is blonde and Australian and swears she's never heard of the show Lost. Surely, you lie! You were J.J. Abrams' secret lover, weren't you? Admit it! Okay. Maybe not. You're still cool.

Now let's talk about food. Highlights of the day: amazing chocolate croissant. Coffee (it's so damn good abroad). Yogurt smoothie. Fries with mayo. We got a beautiful picture of some waffles but we'll have to wait to actually eat some on the way back. Can't eat it all in one day.

The canals are truly beautiful. Poker Chick's never been to Venice, but this is the closest she's come. Seing houses come out of the water is neato.

Most surprising? The sun was strong. Real strong.

Finally, we're back to vanity. PC was most pleased with her choice of frayed all-stars for her traveling feet. They seem to be the hip shoes in several countries, Netherlands included. Or, as the Dutch say it, Neyderlunds.

Stay tuned for more......

Day 1, hour who knows.....

Well technically it's been only 42 hours or so since taking off from New York, which makes this the longest day ever. What has Poker Chick gotten herself into since take off?

Well since Big Boy is not good at sharing his computer, she'll share her notes and write more when he's asleep. But suffice it so say there's lots to share.

Thursday night- take off
Poker Chick is a woman who likes her stuff. She's always needed the security of carrying a big bag at all times, knowing she has her meds, band aids, makeup, new clothes, whatever, ready at her finger tips. It helps her relax. Being a seasoned traveler she also is used to carrying as much on board as possible. It's just safer.

So now we take a girl always used to a big purse, we take away her carry on baggage, and we replace it all with a backpack. That's it. Her jeans, sneakers, a sweater thrown over her tshirt, and a backpack on her back. For the next two days. She didn't even realize how little she had on her until she watched the suitcase go away in terror. Then it hit her at security. She only needed one bin to go through the metal detector. Phone, shoes, sweater, it all fit in one bin. Security had never been so easy in her life.

It was such an unsettling feeling, knowing she was hedging her bets, not carrying the world so as to be prepared for every possible scenario.

Definitely the right way to start an adventure.

Next post, Amsterdam, part 1. Until then, please to enjoy thoughts scribbled into Poker Chick's notebook. All copied without edits.

• Who is this obnoxious load guy near me?
• I can't believe Cereality closed before I had time to get some. Of course.
• I ordered the veggie meal? Really? Uh, oookay then.
• Seriously, who is this guy! I think he's the boss of these two women speaking next to me. They're speaking Spanish to each other. He's yelling at them in Dutch. Then muttering to himself in German. Who are these people? And how many languages do they speak? And do they not believe in sleep where they come from?
• Well, did my best. Slept a bit and just downed a bottle of water mixed with EmergenC. Maybe it'll wake my ass up!!! Next, to change. Need to make an attempt to look like a human being and not a walking zombie with unwashed hair, morning breath, and a giant pimple that seems to have sprouted in the last two hours. Great. I wanted to look young, but pimply-faced American teenager was not the look I was going for. Better put the nicer shirt on. Now repeat after me, "it is not 3am it is 9am, it is not 3am, it is not 3am...."

Friday

• OK, what's with the bathrooms in Holland? Are they all unisex or something?

To be continued.....with pictures....

Are You Ready For The Ugly American?

Well, it's time for Poker Chick to take her misadventures out of New York and into the open world. Thursday starts the week-long trip to the Netherlands and Israel!!

Poker Chick will post as often as possible, so ye who want updates, stay tuned....

She bought an itsy bitsy teeny weeny orange polka dot bikini...

We know Poker Chick's unique "sloppy chic" style (name invented by UK) makes her vehemently anti-polka dot.  Still, it was cute.  And after trying tons on, to have just one look halfway decent was an immediate "buy".  Any mother will understand this.  Heck, any woman will understand this.

Poker Chick doesn't really have anything to add.  Really, she just couldn't pass up an opportunity to create a post with the above title.

Life Without Cash

Ever wonder what it would be like to be cashless for a week? Now you can stop wondering, because Poker Chick has conducted this experiment for you! Let's see how this works....

Day One
Go to ATM to get cash to pay babysitter. Card gets rejected as expired. Bank is closed and as it's Friday won't re-open until Monday. Go home and call bank. They will take a week to send a new one in the mail. Boo.

Call husband and force him to leave work two hours earlier than planned, so he can go the ATM. Pay babysitter extra money for staying late to wait for him. Double Boo.

Days Two and Three
This is easy enough! Husband can open his wallet for most things, and Poker Chick has enough in her wallet to cover minimal expenses without worrying. Totally doable!!

Day Four
Cash running low. Opt for $5 sandwich instead of $10 salad, get tea instead of fancy $5 coffee drink. Realize there's not enough cash for dinner and slyly reach for husband's wallet when the delivery guy shows up. Make sure to leave him enough to be fair.

Day Five
Repeat Day Four, only this time husband is left with just $5 in his wallet. Poker Chick is down to $2.

Day Six
Buy breakfast for $1.50 at coffee cart on street. Get free copy of New York Post as a bonus. Nice! Maybe Poker Chick should be doing more of this living on the cheap!

Forage for lunch. Soda and apple in office fridge, someone left out crackers, find leftover bag of potato chips in drawer. Forget about cash problem until late in the day. Walk home and realize in horror not only are you cashless but husband has just left town for three days. Feel like 1950s housewife and beat yourself up for being dependent.

Order sushi for dinner so you can justify enough food to allow credit card usage. Feel less like a 1950s housewife and more like a modern woman bringing in her own income so she can eat sushi if she wants to. Enjoy meal and remind yourself to borrow $20 from a coworker tomorrow.

No, Poker Chick did not "eat a bowl of stupid." But ain't this funny?

Day Seven
Desperation. Forget to ask for money, buy $10 salad with credit card. On the way home, look lovingly at a slice of cheesecake and wonder how you're going to scrounge the $4 for this one. Swallow your pride and ask if you can pay with a credit card. Walk away with cake and eat with guilty pleasure and a disturbed sense of accomplishment.


Check mailbox for ATM card and frown at nothing but catalogs. Eat cereal for dinner as you feel too embarrassed to use a credit card again.

Day Eight
Desperation x3. Convince coworkers to order pizza delivery for lunch as it's "raining and you're all so busy". Smile in satisfaction knowing that other colleague who paid will submit for reimbursement and you still got to eat your pizza. Mentally praise your creativity.

4pm. Freakout as you realize you have to pay the babysitter again and husband's flight home is delayed. Doh!

Go home and dance a happy dance as you see ATM card in the mailbox. Have your day ruined as you open and see it's a debit card which you specifically requested NOT to receive. Talk to bank and learn you will have to wait another week for the real one. Throw out every curse word you know.

In conclusion...
Many people may laugh at this, arguing that tons of people are going cashless these days. Everyone (but Poker Chick) has a debit card. Go ahead and laugh. Then Poker Chick will tell you that when people use debit or credit cards instead of cash they spend, on average, 50% more on their purchases. 50%!!!!! That adds up, peeps.

Now who's laughing?