Dear subway rider....

A note...from Poker Chick:

Dear subway rider,

After years of putting up with an unnecessarily horrible subway experience, I am determined to restore civility to our commuting experience and make a ride on the Manhattan subway truly worthy of what one would expect in the "capital of the world".

So please, for the sake of your fellow riders and humanity, read Poker Chick's 5 rules to restore civility and sanity to our transit system:

1. To the unbelievably loud ipod listener: I cringe watching your eardrums disintegrate before my very eyes. Contrary to what you might think, I do not, in fact, enjoy the extremely loud hip hop music you blast. I do not feel like partying at 8:55am. Particularly when I haven't had my morning coffee.
   
2. I know this might be hard to imagine, but if a stroller is open and not folded on the subway, there might actually be a child in there. It is not a resting place for your stuff, your posse's stuff, or your elbow.
   
3. If you've asked me to move forward, and I don't, did you ever stop to think I might not be able to? I don't just stand there to block people and annoy you. Do you think I like you pressing up against me so close I can feel your sweat dripping on me? No, I would move far, far away from you if I could. So if you ask me to move, and I can't, I know this sounds crazy but it might - just might - not be the best idea to push me until I'm trampled on the floor and the elbow of the person in front of me is halfway through my diaphragm.
   
4. If there are only two seats open in the whole subway car, and people are packed like sardines, perhaps it's not the most thoughtful thing to sit down and lean forward with your legs spread open so wide we're all waiting for your pants to split. You really do not need that second seat just for your knee. We can all see you and I promise no matter what you might think *it* does not need that much room to breathe. I'm just sayin'.
   
5. The anonymity and crowding in the subway is not an excuse to lose all your manners, morals, and decency. So keep your hands to yourself, pervert. Your little whistle isn't fooling anyone.
   

Manners aren't that hard, peeps. We're not asking you to know which utensils to you use. Just to keep your not-nearly-as-lovely-as-you-think-they-smell hands, knees, elbows, and loud music to yourself.

With sincere thanks,

Poker Chick

Time to change up your New Year's Resolutions

As Poker Chick has a tendency to think strange thoughts, she often wonders what foreigners think of our country. For example, say you're a foreign cultural anthropologist studying various societies and how they observe a new calendar year. And let's say for argument's sake you live in a bubble and are rather unfamiliar with American culture.* And let's say for further argument's sake that instead of interviewing people, you start your study by watching television to understand people.

What you see

• Too many diet commercials to count
• Ads for finally getting out of debt this year!
• Save on your taxes
• Savings on cars - best deals ever!
• A plethora of dating commercials
• Job hunting ads

What you conclude

All Americans must be fat, lonely, broke, unemployed, and lacking transportation.

Think about it. Television is largely a reflection of popular culture. It's a sad, sad picture we paint for the world, peeps.


*Clearly, if this is the case, you're the world's crappiest anthropologist but we're trying to make a point here

And tonight's understudy is....

Typically, these last minute updates aren't the best of news. So imagine Poker Chick's surprise when she looked in her broadway program for the New Year's Day performance of American Idiot only to see that the Green Day frontman himself was playing a starring role that night*.




Surprise! Did she like it when he sang "Time of Your Life" at the end of the show? Yes, she did! Not a bad way to start the new year. More importantly, here's hoping the rest of the year is good to all of you.

Happy New Year from

*For curious peeps, we looked it up. Turns out this was day 1 of a few planned performances. Who knew? Apparently, anyone who had actually picked up a newspaper.

School board finds food allergy policies "absurd"

Loyal readers by now realize that Poker Chick does not exaggerate the pushback parents of children with food allergies get, ridiculous though it may be. However for those of you still a little bit skeptical that adults really can be that irresponsible, read this article by Food Allergy Mama.

It highlights comments made by the Illinois state board who is apparently very annoyed to have to have food allergy policies in place. This is the same attitude that prevented us from being able to send mini to our local public school. Keeping an epipen with you everywhere? Yeah, we can see how annoying that can be.

Trends in Sweets

Pie is the new cupcake. You heard it here first.