And The State Of The Union Is....Awkward

In the buzz leading to tonight's State of the Union address, the focus was less on the substance of the speech and more on seating assignments for the audience.

Beyond the inspiring "Sputnik moment" sound bytes, the most interesting piece of it was watching how it was received. This sounds ridiculous at first.  But think about it.  For days we have been annoyed with this obsession on who's sitting where. For real?  What's the difference? Are you really unable to form your own opinion? Are we such adversaries that despite serving the same country and people we can't even sit together? Are we only able to applaud next to certain people?  And does it even matter? Some of these people are so new they could be sitting next to a seat-filler and not know it.

We thought it was a ridiculous topic of conversation. And truth be told, it is. It should be a given that seating should be party-agnostic and it's high time this was so taken for granted it's no longer a topic of discussion.

But let's indulge our inner gossip-mongers for a minute.

Admit it, you were watching. You tuned out for the middle of the speech when Obama struggled to find concrete examples of how he was going to push his policies forward, and looked at the crowd. And along with the nation's top reporters you noticed the reception this speech got was unusually quiet.

Well, duh.

It doesn't take a genius to realize that when you take people out of their partisan pens the "we're-better-than-you" syndrome is going to be taken down a notch. One only has to take a quick glance at each awkward individual to realize that. Look at the applause: historically loud and supportive; today tentative as people slowly got up, looked to their right, looked to their left, and then (and only then!) stood up and applauded if they noticed fellow party members cheering nearby.

And the awkward continues. 

There were genuine attempts at national unity, evidenced not only by the seating arrangements but also by small gestures: black and white ribbons, pink ties instead of red, more pats on the back, a somber and respectful tone overall. But on the flip side were the people who stuck to party lines, those who refused to sit apart from the party, those who even separated from their own party and made their own rebuttals. Even more awkward: the men sitting behind Obama, not quite sure how to react while he was talking.

"That's my boy!"                                "I'm so bored I could cry"

The President faced a nation in a very serious place, people who are nervous about their jobs, their future, their security, and addressed the fears that we are falling from grace (of course, special thanks to the Republicans who made sure to reignite those fears as they described in detail the "day of reckoning" the US is headed for, but we digress).

So Obama, you get props for rallying the troops and infusing Americans with renewed optimism in our future. But the vibe in the room? Tenuous at best, and, dare we say....awkward. Next year, in addition to mixed seating, let's work on boosting the confidence of our nation's leaders so they are comfortable enough to express their reaction honestly. It's not like they get a copy of the speech in advance or anything. Oh, wait....

Whatever you believe: Republican, Democrat, Tea Party, Roaring Tiger or Anxious Chopper...own it.   'Cause you can.  And that's what he's talkin' about.

And her grade is....

This past Wednesday, as her first decision as chancellor, Cathie Black decided NOT to close NYC public schools due to snow. She consulted with the mayor, the sanitation department, and (we suspect) the mayor's speechwriter's as well. The sound byte was intact. Hail NYC public schools! Hail the fact that they have closed only five times since 1978!!!

Um, excuse me? Is this supposed to be some sort of accomplishment? 9 inches of snow in Manhattan - more in the boroughs - a warning from the city and sanitation department not to travel if not necessary - and school is...open? Not even delayed? So parents have to conduct the usual morning rush in a pedestrian city and walk quickly through icy streets so they can still make it by 8:15? Perhaps she has confused the Board of education with U.S. Postal Service? (neither snow, nor ice, nor heat, nor gloom of night...)

Regardless of the reason, it's left everyone wondering about her judgment. The city got nearly a foot of snow and forced kids to travel on treacherous streets. And this benefits our mini not-yet-voting citizens how, exactly?

We must not have been the only ones thinking this was a mistake. Less than half of students actually showed up. And most of the ones that did were late.

Moreover, guess who else was absent from school that day? Cathie Black herself! Yes, peeps, she elected to spend a whole day on a press conference lauding her no-snow day decision, and postponed a planned trip to a Staten Island school. Of course, we can't really blame her. Have you seen the unplowed streets in that neighborhood?

But before we heckle "Chancellor"* Black off the stage entirely, let's give her another chance. Maybe she got some bad advice on one decision. How's she handling the real issues, like overcrowding? Well, she's got a unique solution, that's for sure.


"Could we just have some birth control for a while? It would really help us all out.”

*We say Chancellor in quotes because, well, technically this title belongs to an education adminstration who actually has a background in...um...education.

Dear subway rider....

A note...from Poker Chick:

Dear subway rider,

After years of putting up with an unnecessarily horrible subway experience, I am determined to restore civility to our commuting experience and make a ride on the Manhattan subway truly worthy of what one would expect in the "capital of the world".

So please, for the sake of your fellow riders and humanity, read Poker Chick's 5 rules to restore civility and sanity to our transit system:

1. To the unbelievably loud ipod listener: I cringe watching your eardrums disintegrate before my very eyes. Contrary to what you might think, I do not, in fact, enjoy the extremely loud hip hop music you blast. I do not feel like partying at 8:55am. Particularly when I haven't had my morning coffee.
   
2. I know this might be hard to imagine, but if a stroller is open and not folded on the subway, there might actually be a child in there. It is not a resting place for your stuff, your posse's stuff, or your elbow.
   
3. If you've asked me to move forward, and I don't, did you ever stop to think I might not be able to? I don't just stand there to block people and annoy you. Do you think I like you pressing up against me so close I can feel your sweat dripping on me? No, I would move far, far away from you if I could. So if you ask me to move, and I can't, I know this sounds crazy but it might - just might - not be the best idea to push me until I'm trampled on the floor and the elbow of the person in front of me is halfway through my diaphragm.
   
4. If there are only two seats open in the whole subway car, and people are packed like sardines, perhaps it's not the most thoughtful thing to sit down and lean forward with your legs spread open so wide we're all waiting for your pants to split. You really do not need that second seat just for your knee. We can all see you and I promise no matter what you might think *it* does not need that much room to breathe. I'm just sayin'.
   
5. The anonymity and crowding in the subway is not an excuse to lose all your manners, morals, and decency. So keep your hands to yourself, pervert. Your little whistle isn't fooling anyone.
   

Manners aren't that hard, peeps. We're not asking you to know which utensils to you use. Just to keep your not-nearly-as-lovely-as-you-think-they-smell hands, knees, elbows, and loud music to yourself.

With sincere thanks,

Poker Chick

Time to change up your New Year's Resolutions

As Poker Chick has a tendency to think strange thoughts, she often wonders what foreigners think of our country. For example, say you're a foreign cultural anthropologist studying various societies and how they observe a new calendar year. And let's say for argument's sake you live in a bubble and are rather unfamiliar with American culture.* And let's say for further argument's sake that instead of interviewing people, you start your study by watching television to understand people.

What you see

• Too many diet commercials to count
• Ads for finally getting out of debt this year!
• Save on your taxes
• Savings on cars - best deals ever!
• A plethora of dating commercials
• Job hunting ads

What you conclude

All Americans must be fat, lonely, broke, unemployed, and lacking transportation.

Think about it. Television is largely a reflection of popular culture. It's a sad, sad picture we paint for the world, peeps.


*Clearly, if this is the case, you're the world's crappiest anthropologist but we're trying to make a point here

And tonight's understudy is....

Typically, these last minute updates aren't the best of news. So imagine Poker Chick's surprise when she looked in her broadway program for the New Year's Day performance of American Idiot only to see that the Green Day frontman himself was playing a starring role that night*.




Surprise! Did she like it when he sang "Time of Your Life" at the end of the show? Yes, she did! Not a bad way to start the new year. More importantly, here's hoping the rest of the year is good to all of you.

Happy New Year from

*For curious peeps, we looked it up. Turns out this was day 1 of a few planned performances. Who knew? Apparently, anyone who had actually picked up a newspaper.