Excuse Me, Did You Just Pour Salt On Your Fudge?

And the answer to that is yes. Yes, Poker Chick did. How did this happen? Well, it goes back to the mini having food allergies.

A trip to all local fudgeries resulted in only two flavors without nuts. Chocolate and Vanilla. Very exciting, huh? Notice the sarcasm. Unfortunately, the most delicious-looking flavor was the peanut butter but sadly it was not to be.

So we improvised. Once the kids were asleep Poker Chick had the idea to take a spoonful of Soy Nut Butter and put it on her chocolate fudge. Only this stuff isn't as salty as peanut butter so it usually needs some to taste like it. One bite and she realized it had potential, just needed salt. But the idea of pouring salt on fudge? Gross!

She was dared to do it and it was good! And that is how she found herself, pouring salt over a fudge/soy nut butter "schmear" that she made up.

Damn, it was goooood. Don't knock it until you try it, peeps.

Ouch, my head hurts!

Vacation is eerily reminiscent of summer camp days. First you put sheets on the mattress, which is not much more than a box spring anyway. Then, there's the moldy smell of the wood in humidity. The chill in the air. The bugs.

Perhaps she is alone, but Poker Chick always remembers being miserable the first few days of summer camp. The bugs kept her awake at night. The bathroom smelled funny. And everything seemed dirty. But by the third day she was always over it and everything felt normal.

So those memories came flooding back while she winced putting her lacey underwear in old (and possibly rotting) wooden drawers. And every creak of the "bed" brought the same nostalgia with it.

That aside, the real problem in this house has been herself. Two days ago, she was foraging for snacks in the refrigerator (she's not used to one that big) and jumped up without realizing her head was still slightly in. This resulted in a fast and hard bump on the head. She saw stars. She got immediately dizzy. Tears just started flowing. This was a serious bump on the head.


After a day of ice and some tequila (to "constrict the blood vessels", that was the reason, uh yea....) it felt mildly better. But Poker Chick couldn't leave it at that. No sooner had the throbbing subsided, that she jumped up after kissing the mini goodnight in her bunk bed (who's done bunk beds since summer camp?!) and whacked her head on the top bunk. A major whack. In the same spot.

Ow. Ow, ow ow. Ow, ow. OMG, ow.

Well, maybe she can console herself with the weather report giving her some good news. The group has to leave by 10am tomorrow. The sun was supposed to show today but it's still cloudy outside. Guess when the weatherman says the sun is coming out again? And will stay for the full ten day forecast? Did you guess 10:30 am tomorrow?

It was kind of obvious she was going there, huh?

Channeling the Domestic Goddess Within

Apparently a week in a house with two kids to feed will bring out the domestic side of anyone, no matter how latent. Last week we posted about feats of Jell-O and pancakes. Lest anyone think these are exaggerated, there's more; proof that anything is possible.

1. Shucking corn. There's a word that sounds funnier the more times you say it.
2. Homemade Guacamole. So good, it was requested the next night in larger quantities. She even did the throw the ginzu knife in the avocado pit thing to twist and take it out. Impressive, yes. Smart, not so much. At least not if you're as klutzy as this girl.
3. A giant pot of rice. We didn't want you to think it was all glamorous. She can do the basics too. And it didn't even burn.

We know you don't believe us, so there are photos. Y'all will just have to wait two more days until she's back in civilization and can get that little cord thing that uploads them to the computer.

F*cked by the F-Girl, Again!

Her name was Florence. She was hot and heavy. But also dark and stormy. So stormy, in fact, she shut down and airport and left 120 people (Poker Chick included) stranded in Bermuda. Not that it's a bad place to be stranded. But if you're going to spend the money to go to Bermuda (and it is a lot), you want to be able to see that pink sand. So a hurricane kinda puts a damper on that. But Poker Chick figured Florence was a once-in-a-lifetime kinda thing.

Fast forward two years later. (It can't be one year, because the F-name is male the year in between). Turns out Faye's got it in for Poker Chick, too. We figured we were safe because Faye was done and far west of the Atlantic. But of course then Poker Chick tried to plan a beach vacation. So against all odds, Faye gathered all "remnants" and moved herself back east to visit. And thus another beach vacation is rained out. To illustrate, behold the OBX weather patterns below:

Weather for most of the week

The "nice" day this week

Weather other people get here

Poker Chick is thinking perhaps she should only plan beach vacations in odd-numbered years.

Thanks a lot, bitches.

Corolla is not just a Toyota

Corolla is also a remote place on the Outer Banks of North Carolina. So remote, in fact, that it does not get blackberry service. In case you were wondering, Corolla is here:
<-That's Corolla. Waaay out in the middle of nowhere.
To give you some scale, the bridge to OBX is in Kitty Hawk, so we had to go another 20-30 miles to get away from civilization. The closest "big" town to us is to the south, called Duck. There are several advantages to this:

1) It's easy to remember if you get lost. "The one above the duck!"
2) Everything sounds funnier when added to "duck". "Duck donuts". "Duck fudge". "Duck Smoothies". It's hilarious! Especially when "duck donuts" are "made to order".

Now, some of you must be wondering how our city girl is faring in these parts. Well, the snob within is truly slumming it, peeps. Let her paint you a picture:

• She's living in a house. Not the Four Seasons, not a resort house with maid service and a restaurant, but a regular not-so-fancy teal-green house.
  
• For the most part, it feels like a cross between the Jersey shore and the Hamptons. So far, the only big advantage she's been able to identify is warmer water. Just like the NY/NJ beaches, there's kitchsy stores and farmers markets and fudge and mini-golf. And the plethora of bbq (pigs in pits) is...hmmm...maybe a little more...country.
• Speaking of country, there's wild horses running around these parts.
• And beer "drive-thrus". That's right, beer. Drive-through. They're called "Brew-Thrus".
  

Now, lest you think she's complaining, she must add that the house has a pool and hot tub. And having a stocked fridge is.. (gasp)...not so bad. She didn't cook or anything but she did make a turkey sandwich. With sides of grapes and carrot sticks. It may be more fruit and veggies than she's eaten in weeks. Also, the beach and sun are gorgeous. As a result, after just one day, she is brown and luscious. And the kids had fun too. This is good because apparently Hurricane Faye left behind some remnants that are headed back east and will ruin the rest of the stay with rain and clouds all the time. Lovely.

Tomorrow we'll post about amusing signs way. There are some you peeps will not believe. Meanwhile, good trip or not good trip? We'll leave readers to their own opinions for now. Feel free to share.