Flight #2: The airport riots

First, a fun fact: Try and guess how much $$ was charged on Poker Chick's credit card for in-flight movies. For background, the card was passed around several times between the mini's seat, PC and her entourage. The person who guesses closest receives a special treat.

The flight home. As Poker Chick's luggage did not arrive on the way over (it was delivered 12 hours later), all made sure to check in over an hour before our flight. Except for bathroom trips it was a relatively calm flight. The mini slept and so did Poker Chick's arm underneath her. We finally saw Superbad. We drank milkshakes. We landed on time. It was good.

Hey you! You didn't think it'd be that easy, did you?
We got off the plane and waited for a while at baggage claim, but figured it was no big deal because there were 2 other flights on the same carousel and their luggage was still coming out. We saw many other people still waiting for luggage from our flight so figured bags from our flight just hadn't come out yet. 30 minutes later, Poker Chick began to think something was amiss.

She got in a relatively long line at baggage services to see what was up. Before she got to the front, there were ten times the number of people behind her as there were in front of her. Everyone had pretty much figured out that if the bags weren't coming out yet, they weren't coming out.

Guess what happened?
That's right. Virtually all the bags on our flight never made the plane. No explanation. They even admitted "LAX dropped the ball on this one." You think? They said it was on the next plane. So we asked what time that was, figuring if we left 6 hours earlier the next plane was already in the air.

Guess what happened?
They admitted the bags were still in LAX. They promised we'd get them "in a couple of days". That was it. No voucher, not even an "I'm sorry". Not even an admission of the fact that instead of "Welcome to New York, your bags are on carousel 3" perhaps the captain might have wanted to confess "Good news! We arrived early at gate XX. Unfortunately, your bags did not. See baggage services at [insert directions] to file a report." Sucky, but it wouldn't have been an outright lie. Frustrated and disappointed, we couldn't accept this response as DinDin and Linster were continuing to Europe the next day and needed their bags ASAP. We needed a drop dead date and a contingency plan. Unfortunately, "Lloyd" (as he called himself) was not only unhelpful but also an utter jack*ss. So we asked to see a supervisor.

Guess what happened?
That's right, he said no. We asked for the name of his supervisor and his working hours. He said there was no one and we should call the Delta 800#. We asked for the direct dial of the desk he was at and who would be there the next morning. He said you had to go through the Delta 800#. We asked how the heck his wife contacted him and he replied she had to use his cell phone. We asked for a direct phone # to file a report and were directed only to the 800#. Outraged, Poker Chick declared she was not leaving the desk (and moving along the now redonculously long line) until she got someone to speak to other than an 800 with a 45 minute wait time and an electronic operator.

Now pay attention, peeps. Here's where the story gets interesting. Here's where the passenger unrest began. Poker Chick was making a stink. She wasn't quite at yelling range yet, but it was close. People knew exactly what was going on.

After 20 minutes of saying there was no supervisor, "Lloyd" finally made a mysterious phone call and said if we stepped aside a supervisor was on his way down to talk to us about our "situation". This is where PC made a huge mistake. She stepped aside.

Guess what happened?
20 minutes later, there was no supervisor and the passenger at the desk was even angrier than Poker Chick. Also, he was a very very large, muscular man - and probably from somewhere in Africa judging by his accent and appearance. He did not look like the kind of guy you want to get on the bad side of. Neither did his very large and also very angry friend. He saw Poker Chick was still waiting and refused to move until a supervisor actually appeared. He was now yelling. He was pointing fingers. Everyone was afraid but also chering him on. Unfortunately, he also used the "f" word. Apparently this gave "Lloyd" license to call security rather than his boss. This triggered anger in our large friend and led to his telling "Lloyd" to "do your mother f-ing job!". The F-bomb was used a lot after that, like a machine gun. It was awesome.

The cops showed up. Chaos ensued. Everyone was yelling at once. PC and DinDin led the other passengers in immediately telling the cops "this guy didn't do anything wrong!" At the same time, everyone vented their individual stories out loud, throwing them out as if they were tickets on a trading floor. "I'm traveling alone with two kids!" "I'm going to a funeral and can't go in jeans!" "I've never been to New York and don't even have a toothbrush!". And so on and so on. It was a huge riot. Seriously. Everyone let it all out.

Guess what happened?
We wish we knew. When a supervisor finally showed up, the only thing Poker Chick managed to obtain was a free cab home and a direct address to file a report and how to get an actual answer (Note: it was now 3am. All the other passengers had either given up, or were taken into custody. We're not sure which). The next day, she spent 5 hours on the phone to find out the luggage had arrived in JFK a few hours later and was sitting in a warehouse where it would sit for 12 more hours before being delivered. This was too late for the European flight.

Guess how the story ends?
Poker Chick and Linster took a cab to Queens and back to get the bags themselves. They are sending Delta the bill, along with a claim for significant damage to two brand new suitcases.

Stay tuned for the nail-biting conclusion....two years from now.

Allergy friendly and kosher treats you can buy

Many parents ask us "what can I buy for mini?" What can she eat?  Well the short answer is, simply employ us and we shall happily bake cupcakes for you all day long for a not-so-small fee.  For some reason, they do not like this answer, so they like the next one better:  over the past few years there has been a proliferation of products geared to the food-allergic community.  There are many websites you can go to for information on allergy-friendly products, however finding products that are both allergy friendly and kosher can be challenging.

But fear not! Poker Chick has tried the products, spoken to the companies, and done the research for you.  So here is your complete list of products we have found that fit the bill. 

Home Free Treats
What? Delicious cookies, coffee cake and baking ingredients.  You can buy them in many health food stores.
Free of: peanut, tree nut, dairy, eggs, wheat.  Only soy is lecithin.  Made in seed-free facility as well.  Some varieties are also gluten free.
Any added bonus?  Organic, all whole grain, and they make some little mini cookie packs that are great for school or playdates.
Kosher?  All products certified kosher parve by OK.  Large special orders (i.e. for a school) can be Pas Yisroel.

Divvies

What? Awesome cupcakes, delivered to your door.  Chocolate or vanilla with many color frosting options. They also have candy toppings to decorate your cupcakes with, and they sell cookies, popcorn, chocolate and candy.

Free of: peanut, tree nut, dairy, eggs.  They do not use sesame in their facility either.
Any added bonus?  They are not all organic like home free, but their treats are awesome and convenient.  Also, the delivery box for cupcakes doubles as a take out box so you can turn over the box, frost the cupcakes and use the same box to easily transport the cupcakes to a party or meeting.  Another tidbit? Their cookies and candy are sold in DisneyWorld.  And we have seen their popcorn sold in the kosher marketplace on the Upper West Side of Manhattan.
Kosher? Certified kosher parve by KVH, Rabbinical Council of New England.

Enjoy Life

What? Enjoy Life makes a lot of awesome products that are starting to be distributed through regular supermarkets, not just health food stores.  Soft cookies, hard cookies, cereal, bars, granola, chocolate chips and chunks and chocolate bars.  They make really delicious boxed cookies that people without food allergies will eat before we can get to!  They also make great chocolate chips that are our go to for recipes.

Free of: peanut, tree nut, dairy, eggs, sesame, soy, wheat.  All products are vegan and gluten free as well.
Any added bonus?  They claim "no artificial anything".  Their variety and availability are pretty awesome.  Our school uses their cookies and chips.

Kosher? Certified kosher parve by the Chicago Rabbinical Council.


Cherrybrook kitchen
What? Amazing cake mixes, cookie mixes, brownie, muffin and pancake mixes, plus mini cookies and tubs of frosting.

Free of: peanut, tree nut, dairy, eggs.  They do not use sesame and many of their products are gluten-free.
Any added bonus?  The mixes are really easy and convenient, especially if you get a tub of frosting.  Really easy for birthday parties, all the parents in our nursery school class used this mix for cupcakes.

Kosher? All products certified kosher by the Orthodox Union (OU).



Please leave a comment or email us at bornsteinwriter@gmail.com if you learn of any others we have missed; we will do our best to keep this list up to date.

Happy New Year!

Poker Chick would like to wish all her readers, friends, fans, family, lurkers a happy 2008. Any interesting resolutions out there? Here are Poker Chick's:

1) Check personal email more often
2) Eat more fruit
3) Exercise at least 3 times a month
4) Spend more time thinking of others vs. herself

Flight #1: So far so good.....not!

Part 1 of a 2 part series.....

Traveling with a small child is always an adventure of its own. So between air travel, time differences, and getting a kid to sleep in a strange place with scary dog monsters, the Christmas trip to California was filled with....entertainment. Entertainment for those hearing about it after the fact, that is.

Let's start with the flight on the way over. It seemed promising. Pulled out from the gate exactly at departure time (Poker Chick speaks the truth!). Took off exactly 5 minutes later (are we still in America?) and the mini was shockingly well-behaved the entire flight.

Until we began our descent. About 5 seconds after they announced everyone had to stay in their seats for landing, the mini announces to the entire 25th row: "I have to make a poopy!" But she wanted to behave and understood she needed to wait until we landed. She was a trooper. She did the dance, wiggled like a worm, reminded me often, but she waited. And then...finally....we landed.

And then....we sat on the runway. And sat. And sat some more.

You see, the state of affairs in the American air-travel system has deteriorated so much we are no longer equipped to handle flights that actually land on time. So the captain announced we needed to wait until they found an open jetway for us. It would only be 5 minutes.

Until it was 10 minutes. And 15. And 20. By this point, the mini was frustrated and yelling her head off, the DVD batteries had long died, all the coloring book pages were filled and I had run out of stalling tactics. I also could not figure out how you could do a time-out when you were already strapped into your seat. There was no way around it. The kid had to poop, and she couldn't wait anymore. After staying in one seat for 6 straight hours my kid was entitled to her business.

So I made a run for it.

I undid our seat belts, and ran us both to the bathroom and slammed the door, pretending not to hear the flight attendant "Miss, you need to return back to your seat, the captain cannot move the plane until...". Yeah, right lady! You guys have held hostage on this plane. My 2-year old isn't buying it. Why don't you make yourself useful and you go poop it up with my kid so I can keep my seat belt on?! Yeah. That's what I thought.

I'm trying to hurry and after covering the seat with a half-roll of TP (neurotic mother here), I pulled down the pull-ups and plopped the kid on the seat. She dawdled and made faces and finally smiled and said "I don't have to make a poopy anymore". Arghhhh!!!!! Let's pause to share Poker Chick's frustration. Or at least imagine it.

Ok let's continue. We could've just gone right back but of course she just had to put her hands inside the toilet. So then we still had to wash our hands. And my kid hates washing her hands. Then I had to coerce her to pull her pants back up. Take a wild guess how much she loves doing that too?

Actual size of airplane bathroom, to scale.

10 minutes later we returned from our wasted trip. I get our seat belts back on and the plane begins taxiing to the gate. What does the mini say? Yep, you guessed it: "Mommy, I have to make a poopy now."

This is the part of the story when you slap your hand on your forehead and shake your head no, peeps. Noooo, make it stop....

For those of you interested in following this theme of "adventures in poop" all the way through, you'll be please to know that the mini went 4 times on the trip back. Sadly they were, as the mini correctly pointed out, the "messy" "stinky" kind.

We all know how much Poker Chick loves people watching on the subway. But sometimes she regrets watching. The other day, a woman ripped the paper off her Poland spring bottle and began to eat it. A big piece. We're not kidding, peeps, not even a little bit.

Nominated for a Poker Chick award for smelliest train of 2007