First Grader in Center of Food Allergy War

Posting this because it's an important controversy.  Makes me ill to see this happening.  Threats to put peanut oil in a first grader's food?  Make no mistake, this is now a civil rights issue, peeps.

Please read this to get an understanding of what parents are up against.  Use this reminder of how ugly the hate and pushback can be to pat yourself on the back for being a bigger person than these peeps.   

Actual sign from parents picketing at Tampa elementary school

Are you sick yet?  You can read more here:  http://allergickid.blogspot.com/

Lighter posts coming soon, we promise.  But this is important.

Spam Gets Smarter

Professional spammers have clearly taken some lessons in behavioral marketing, optimizing their "messages" by target audience.  For example, they know that Moms are the single largest and most influential group in the blogosphere, so if the King of Nigeria is out there with his life changing news he might need to tailor his message to fit in a little better.
 


He must be learning because the spam is better vs. what it used to be.

For example, the comment below, which Poker Chick received today:

 Hey Fellas!  Those of you that know us know that for a nice and dealing with my own child's negative behavior.  They were only pretty much driving me ridiculous at all times, i didn't know what to do or even what to tell them.  A few weeks ago my spouse and I finally decided to get to the base of it and discover a solution that might work.  I searched each and every website as well as blog i really could possibly discover on the subject and lastly i found the best solution.  If any of you happen to be having similar issues with your children you can Private Message me.  On second imagined i will merely give you the websites i discovered on the topic to help you possibly read it and repair your child too.  Thanks for experiencing my rant. [insert obviously fake website which Poker Chick has not included as she does not want to support these peeps]

Note the technique used to build this spam, scientifically called "computer finds most common words on posts and puts them together in a sentence".  Now imagine this comment landing in the box of a poor unsuspecting mom whose baby hasn't slept in 3 months and just learned how to headbutt and is really "driving me ridiculous".  She might, just might, accidentally let it pass as legitimate.  And then the world will see their comment and the link to their wares!!! Mwah, ha ha...

Fortunately, if you're writing a blog, you probably also know how to spell.  And you also have a brain, and no desire to "repair your child".  And if even that fails, there's our secret weapon which is always a step ahead.  It's called a SPAM FILTER.

Yes I'm neurotic, now please stop rolling your eyes: A plea from a food allergy mom

This may come as a shock to you, but I am quite neurotic.  While I hate to stereotype, I think it's an unspoken prerequisite of being a New Yorker and (genetically speaking) being a Jewish mother does not exactly help.  And my Upper East Side address gives me bonus points in neuroses.  I am so neurotic, in fact, that even my most neurotic friends feel comfortable leaving their children alone with me.  That's how neurotic I am.

So when I express concern over the tiniest amount of cross-contamination in managing my child's food allergies, I understand the tendency towards skepticism.  After all, it sounds ridiculous to worry about using a particular blender to make soup when my child was only tasting half a bite of the soup anyway and the blender was washed with soap and water earlier that day.  Maybe I was taking it too far?  This was pointed out to me and my worries were dismissed as being overly neurotic.  I fought my instinct to stubbornly put my foot down and felt like crap as I second-guessed myself and wondered whether I needed to seek professional help for my neuroses.

I realized my instinct had been right about 30 minutes later when my daughter was crying from stomach pain and itching a single hive that was covering her entire forearm and getting angrier by the minute.

We were lucky, but I should have known better. 

Now, it sounds worse than it actually was.  We were fortunate that this was extremely mild and after watchful waiting it went away without even Benadryl.  But it just as easily could have gone the other way.  Once you have a reaction, there's no predicting just how serious it will be.  And my imagination instantly wandered to how would the situation have been different if she were in school?  After all, the reaction was so mild, anyone else would likely not have picked up on it at all.  Which means it would have been allowed to progress untreated if it did, in fact, get worse.

It had been a while since her last reaction, and I think it's a little like childbirth in that in hindsight you think to yourself "What's the big deal? It wasn't all that bad."

This incident brought the dangers back to reality.  I was reminded of the time she nearly passed out after eating a bite of pancake in a batch that had one egg in the entire batter.  I remembered the time her whole body erupted in hives after eating cheese that was picked up with tongs that had touched hummus which contained tahini (sesame paste).

But most of all, I was reminded that I AM RIGHT, DAMMIT.

The decision we made to send our daughter to private school after our assigned public school was completely hostile to our requests for epipens/training to keep our daughter safe?  Completely founded.  I remember after months of trying to get them to understand, doing everything the right way, we realize that the little trust we had was eroded so badly that no amount of accommodations they could be forced to make would make us feel comfortable.  There's no scientific way to explain it other than they just didn't "get it".  And in my experience, that is more dangerous than any other risk there is.

After this incident, and after reading about kids in the US and the UK that recently had reactions at school that tragically could have had better outcomes with proper preparation, I'm kicking myself over and over for letting myself get swept away with the skeptics, for starting to listen to the "is that really necessary?" eyerolls I've gotten over the years.  I'm reminding myself that no matter who thinks I'm crazy there's no substitute for maternal instinct.

So, to everyone who needs to accommodate us in one way or another, my message is: just give me the benefit of the doubt.  If it's all the same to you, don't question why I'm asking you to order pizza from one restaurant vs. another when they seem exactly the same to you.  Don't fight back when I ask you to switch your usual rice medley brand with another when they have the exact same ingredients.  Trust me when I say the store brand is not the same when it comes to food allergies.  Indulge me without judgment when I ask you not to use that blender.  Let it go when I politely ask you to buy packaged food instead of baking, no matter how safe you want to make your recipe.  Better yet, let me make it for you.  And to all the school administrators, bureaucrats, and social workers I've had to deal with these past six months, next time a mother raises the red flag and tells you I am scared to death to send my kid to school for even one day, you better damned well listen. 

The bottom line is you may never know whether or not I'm right or need to be committed.  But so what?  Why take the risk?

Just let it go.  Assume I'm right and everyone will be happy.   Come to think of it, think that advice should apply generally to mothers everywhere.




**Post-script: This article is intended for skeptics and even well-meaning people who simply don't understand.  I feel the need to add a caveat here that many people, including our new school, DO get it, and we are always so grateful and appreciative of those that do.   

Why Iphones Should Come With A Warning

Has Angry Birds created way too many sleepless nights around here?  Ahem, mmmmmmaybe?  So it's no wonder Poker Chick was most relieved to see this illustration as it validates that she is not alone (or crazy) in this angry birds addiction.

Social Schmocial, What Does Miss Manners Say?

Quick! Can you identify all these logos?

Recently, a friend of ours had a baby and posted the news on Facebook.   Well, technically his wife had the baby but that's besides the point.  What was notable about this announcement was not so much the post itself but rather the conspicuous lack of "announcement" email that went out.  Think about that.  It was so quickly assumed that Facebook would be sufficient, they didn't even send an email.  Their parents, friends, family, almost all got it.

But a couple of friends who aren't on Facebook were out of the loop and had to find out through the cool people on Facebook others. 

So this leads us to ask:  has Facebook become so mainstream that it's socially acceptable to assume people will read what you write on your status?  What would Emily Post say?

Of course, this begs the larger question of what would Miss Manners say about social media in general?  Is it now assumed that we're keeping up with everyone's status on our network?  What if we're friends with hundreds of people?  What about the friend who posts daily on how many tissues they used that day?  Or the coworker who constantly has something stuck in their teeth?*  Do we have to keep up with all of that?  Are we really expected to know what Aunt Ida ate for dessert every day? 

And while we're at it, let's consider social media in the professional realm, shall we?  Before LinkedIn, it would be unthinkable to not reply to new business opportunities from headhunters and potential employers.  But when these people try and "connect" with you, do they really expect you to add the to your profile for the world to see?   If you don't, you're rude, but if you do accept all of these you end up with a profile that's comprised of all sorts of people you've never met (and who knows what you don't know about them) and what does that say about you when others look you up?  That can't be good, right?  It's analogous to logging into Facebook and seeing a friend request from your father.  Nothing good can come of it.

We did find this one video but it's so...you know, 2009.  It's all different now.

The only thing we know for sure about social media etiquette is that it's not polite to read these posts and not pass them along.  We're just saying.  And while you're at it, if you or someone you know or someone in your network or someone in your friend or coworker's network happens to be friends with Emily Post on Facebook, could you give her a little poke and ask her what the etiquette is for this whole social media thing is?  That'd be swell.

*These are all fictitious examples to make a point, peeps. We're not stupid enough to use actual examples from our network.  After all, wouldn't want to risk being a social pariah.