Conversations with 7 year-olds

While it's commonly known that your "coolness" goes way down in your child's eyes the older they get, there apparently seems to be an inverse relationship between age of your child and amount of knowledge you have as well. The older mini gets, the less we seem to know.

Observe just one conversation on one walk home.  Mother and child pass a Chanukah menorah in the window of a bank.  It's New Years' Eve.

"Momma, they didn't take it down!"

"Well, honey, some people leave decorations for different holidays up until after January first".

"Then how come our building took down our menorah after Chanukah and the Christmas tree is still there?"

"Well, some people do that too"

"So, sometimes people keep the menorah up and sometimes they take it down after Chanukah?"

"Yes"

"But everyone keeps their Christmas tree until after January 1?"

"Pretty much, yes"

"So, if everyone keeps their Christmas tree up in their store after Christmas is over, how come not everyone keeps their menorahs up until after Chanukah?"

"That's a good question, kiddo.  I don't know".

She clearly does not like this answer.  She pauses to think, and a moment later her relaxed face lets on that she has moved on to other thoughts.  She begins jumping over seams in the sidewalk, noting that "the lines are fire".

She focuses on her game, clearly forgetting the serious thoughts she had earlier.

A few moments later.....

"Momma, how long will the earth stay?"

Damn.  The Christmas tree question was easier.

The Nerd Mom's Guide to New Year's

Now that we have your attention, if you're reading this you've already got an interest you might or might not care to admit in how to spend new year's as a parent in a way that does not involve spectacular hangovers.  Not that we're against ringing in the new year gangnam style with spectacular hangovers per se (in grownups, that is!), it's just that they're somewhat harder to manage when you're flying solo on parent duty.

There are many ways to bring in a new year.

Typical resolutions we will NOT be making

After a 2012 that was more eventful than most, ours was spent in perhaps the dorkiest manner possible. Baking cookies on New Year's eve.  Making a new recipe for dinner that involved pureed broccoli and pureed cauliflower, and jumping for joy that mini actually ate - and liked it.

Letting mini finally stay up to watch the ball drop on tv - and then somehow not paying for it too much the next day.

Brunch with waffles we made, and the afternoon at the math museum (before you mock, if you are in New York, get thee to the math museum pronto.  And if you're not in New York you may want to consider a road trip with the kiddos. Seriously, peeps, it's quite awesome)

Now, going to a math museum, enjoying good company, and successfully getting your picky eater to eat vegetables, all with good company might not be your idea of a perfect new year's.  And to that we say...

Hence the title of this post, peeps.

We know at least some of you will relate.

Happy New Year everyone!
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In housekeeping news.....while we're not making official UNresolutions this year, stay tuned for a little self productivity experiment coming along this month.  Meanwhile, please to enjoy the deluge of smoking cessation, weight loss foods, gym, car, job search, online dating and tax service ads you are about to get inundated with (why is this so? Answer in a previous post).  

The TMI Avalanche

Dec. 7 Update: Apparently the NYT had an Op-Ed about the same topic on the same day we wrote the below.  Draw your own conclusions.

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So....my boyfriend and I split up. Heartbroken.  But then we got back together. And he declared his undying love to me in his status feed.  You all saw it, right?  My ex-girlfriend was jealous but it was amazing.  But now I've been sitting by the phone all day waiting for him to call, and the only person that called was the Chinese delivery restaurant so now you can all be jealous of my kung pao.  In fact, hang, on let me show you a picture of this delicious chicken.  Getting my camera....taking picture...and there! Isn't it -

-Wait,there's the phone! It's him! Hang on - I'll give you the blow by blow and type as we speak.

[this section has been deleted due to content inappropriate for readers and parents of children who we respect too much]

Wow am I glad we resolved that.  Feeling so much better right now, the stuffiness in my nose is almost clear.  Remember I had that funny-looking mole removed from my back?  Well a week ago I found something funny growing on my foot, but then one of you (thanks Facebook friends!) suggested a great doctor, so I thought you might like to know I liked her so much I passed her name on to my cousin, who swears she fixed up all her problems "down there", if you know what I mean.  Needless to say she is going to remain single after that scare, but I digress.  How do I know all this? Well I found all this out at that restaurant you all recommended yesterday of course; where, if you will recall, I drank waaaaay to much.  My hangover is much better now after some onion rings and Gatorade for breakfast.  Though the headache sure didn't help me deal with that turd at work very well today.  Had to go off the wagon and have another smoke to get through it.  And can we say "yay" to elastic waistbands? I tell you, whoever made it acceptable to wear tights as pants is a geniu......oh wait! You won't tell that guy at work that I called him a turd, will you?  Speaking of turds....

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C'mon, peeps! You didn't think we were serious, did you!? Perhaps not, but it pretty much sums up some real life posts that you yourself might have seen on Facebook.

This is why we have so few friends on the social network behemoth ourselves.  If we're going to read about the intimate details of someone's life, we'd like it to be a detail of someone we know rather well.  And to our FB friends - we loves ya. We love the funny stuff you post.  We love that you post all the time and make us laugh.  We love the cute and tasteful pictures of your kids/pets/whatever.  And we appreciate that you have learned the line between sharing lots of details (fine) to sharing way more than anyone wants to know (not so fine).  To all those other people no longer on our list after making us cringe one time too many - we hope you learn to censor yourself, at least a little.  

Consider the unwritten golden rule of Facebook:  Oversharing in no way refers to the quantity of status updates you post.  Just sayin'.

Have YOU been a victim of TMI on Facebook?  Feel free to share this post.  And you're welcome.

Unnatural Nature in NYC

Well, peeps, its come to this. A tropical hurricane and a winter storm all within barely a week of one another. A hurricane in New York at any time is rare. A hurricane in October even rarer. A winter storm in early November is rare. A storm on the heels of a hurricane is unprecedented. 

 

Has this ever happened anywhere in history? We'd venture to think not, but if anyone can find examples to cite, we're all ears as we'd love to hear evidence to refute the scary implications of an unprecedented freak show of weather in this state.

Many of you have inquired as to how we fared with these storms. Fortunately, we kept our power and are fine. Sadly, many others are not, and it is them we have been thinking of.  As for lessons learned, we now know that we are a total scaredy cat and should not weather storms as the only grownup in the home next time. The only person crying like a baby should be the mini. Just sayin'...... (In our defense that was some wind though.)

Meanwhile, the freakish fall snowstorm brought up memories of our post last year, The Halloween Horror Snow. One of our all-time favorites, so please to enjoy.

This Public Service Message Has Been Brought To You By The Letter B

Hello, peeps.

It's been a while.  Worse, we're about to go preachy on you for a bit.  Suck it up, 'cause this one's important. 

See, we'd like to ask you to go vote.  Except we know that won't work because, for starters, scientific research has proven that asking people to vote isn't enough.  And by "scientific research" we mean because we said so.  Secondly, we know that if you're reading this you're either already going to vote, or you're Canadian, in which case you get a pass -- but only just this once.

So instead of asking you to go vote, we're going to ask you to stop anyone from talking yourself OUT of voting, and to help get others to vote. 

Observe some typical barriers to voting, along with responses you can use:

Argument: "My state's going all blue (or red), my vote doesn't count"
Response: "Awesome! Let's skip the lines and go get ice cream.  Just kidding.  Even if your vote might not make a difference that year, it's a symbol of your freedom, and it sends a signal to others.  Telling people you voted might inspire 10 other people to vote.  Conversely, not voting breeds additional non-voting.  See what you did there? You made us say boring words like "conversely". Can we go get that ice cream now?"

Response: "I don't like either of the candidates"
Answer: "Tough sh-t.  You get two Presidential candidates.  But that's not all - there's loads of people to pick from in the local races, and you might actually like one of them! As an added bonus, those political peeps probably affect you way more than the head honcho."

Argument: "I have better things to do"
Response: "Maybe, but will any of things give you an awesome sticker you can wear all day long to tell people that you did it? We didn't think so." 

Argument: "I have no childcare"
Response: "Nothing says Democracy like shoving a bunch of kids into a voting booth with you while they whine for Sponge Bob.  What do you think we'll be doing on the way to school tomorrow?"

Argument: "I don't know who to vote for, so I'm just not going to vote"
Response" "Grow a pair and pick one".

As a bonus, if you live in New York City, the Governor just signed an order that says you can vote at any polling place.  So there's no excuse peeps. 

We know this may be mind-boggling to some, but the idea of a participatory government is that you actually participate.  And other than jury duty, which is forced on you, that leaves voting.  Now, notice we haven't told you who to vote for, nor have we engaged in partisan politics bashing each candidate.  We're not trying to influence your decision, because that's the point.  Everyone's had months to make their arguments, and at this point, it should be your decision.  But no one will know what it is if you don't actually make one and mark it on a ballot somewhere.  So please, vote, remind your friends/family/coworkers to vote, heck, pass this along to them if it'll help.  The point is to talk any sissies that want to willingly abstain out of it.

See? Told ya we'd get preachy on you.