Occupy Wall Street protesters were brutally reminded of the generators they had lost just one day ago but chose to stay and freeze.
Other Manhattan residents were just dumbstruck. Had it ever snowed in October? Well, technically there was a quarter inch in 1925 but with vanity sizing and all that a quarter inch in 1925 is probably less than a tenth of an inch by today's standards anyway.
What is the reason for this bizarre weather?
Well, some people think the end of the world is upon us. One theory is that we all died May 21 and are now in some alternate universe without knowing it.
That's one way to go.
Another theory is that while the world didn't end on May 21, a chain of events was set off that will build up to our imminent destruction.
People who subscribe to this theory were doing giant "I told you so!" dances in August after the Gotham City was hit by an earthquake and a hurricane, in the same week. Since then, residents have been bracing themselves for locusts and cattle sickness, as surely these must be next.
Others are saying the May 21 date is really October 21, and they too are probably doing little dances today.
These are all interesting theories. But we have another one.
You see, none of it made sense until now. The earthquake, hurricane, both of those were rare, mild, and technically the earthquake wasn't even anywhere near New York. So to link this recent snowstorm, a storm that brought us thundersnow, no less, to those events is odd. Thundersnow, peeps! Do we have to hit you over the head?
Clearly, we must blame the Canadians.
Is it a coincidence that the bizarre October event coincides with the arrival of several friends' relatives from up North? We think not. Is it a coincidence that just one day prior, the team that won the World Series just happened to be the one closest to Canada? Did you think it was a coincidence that this event happened exactly one hundred forty-four years, 3 months and 29 days after Canada officially became a country? Do you not see these facts staring at you in the face?
It was only a matter of time before those mild-mannered folk up North finally realized they had twice as much land as everyone else and set out to conquer the rest of North America.
It's a genius plan, really. First, they hit us with their freak snow and next thing you know there's Caribou all over the place and every tap in the city is filled with Molson. Then, when we're weakened, they hit us with (gasp!) their socialist medicine and gun control laws. We must stop them before it's too late!
|Betcha thought those guys were dressed up for Halloween, didn't you?|
Fortunately, we're onto them. So next time you see a whole bunch of Canadian tourists "in town" after a bizarre aberration of Mother Nature, be on guard. We're just saying.
*You can't make this stuff up! "Snorri", born in Vinland around 1000 A.D, was the first North American child to be born of European parents (Thorfin and Gudrid).