The above is a perfect example of the schizophrenia which we refer to. Generally speaking, if you're keeping Kosher for Passover to the point of switching to Temp-Tee cream cheese for a week, you'll have a separate pan for Passover cooking. Or at the very least have separate dishes for meat and dairy. Obviously that was not the case in this example, which we shall refer to as "Proof point number one".
|If you only consume this if it's Kosher for Passover, you might be a Schizophrenic Jew|
The Schizophrenic Jew defines "Kosher" really loosely. While it's more than just a kind of salt, it doesn't extend much further beyond avoiding pigs and shrimp. Often it involves avoiding cheeseburgers, but waiting until the plain burger is finished and swallowed before drinking the milkshake. This Jew may live a 100% secular life, having never observed Shabbat, yet makes a conscious effort to check work email more on Sunday vs. Saturday.
The Schizophrenic Jew may have one Seder or two, depending on how Israeli they want to declare themselves on any given year. They may know all the "laws" in general yet pick and choose what to follow, and even within those that are chosen they can be changed when it's convenient, which brings us to "Proof point number two". In this example, the subject in question searched all over for the cranberry sauce without corn syrup yet when eating an omelet at a diner did not ask what kind of oil it was cooked in, deciding to live in the delight of the "don't ask, don't tell" policy at that moment due to extreme hunger.
There are many other varieties of Schizophrenic Jews, but the easiest way to spot one is to ask what their religious affiliation is. If the response you get is "I have no fucking idea," you know you've found a bona fide Schizophrenic Jew.
Now, we've given you two double-blind randomized trials of American Jews behaving oddly in the absence of a way to identify with their Judaism. Isn't it high time we legitimize this phenomena and give these peeps a community of their own?
As always, you heard it here first. Happy Passover, peeps.
*Hypothetically speaking, of course.