Wheel...of...complacency

The other day we were channel-surfing (we know, how last century), and came across the famous Wheel of Fortune on TV.

What's in it for this guy?

After a rather long debate as to whether or not that's Pat Sajak's real hair, we started wondering.  The guy's 64 years old.  He's been doing this show since 1981.  Seriously?

WTF?  Isn't he bored to death?  Sources estimate he's made $5-$10MM per season; this adds up to more than $1 million for every letter of the alphabet.  Has he not accumulated enough money in 30 years to retire?  Did no one tell him that most of us common folk retire by 64?  

Thoughts? Feel free to comment if anyone thinks they have the answers to these bizarre questions and more.  In the meantime, we're studying the channel guide in search of more...modern programming.

Time to change up your New Year's Resolutions

As Poker Chick has a tendency to think strange thoughts, she often wonders what foreigners think of our country. For example, say you're a foreign cultural anthropologist studying various societies and how they observe a new calendar year. And let's say for argument's sake you live in a bubble and are rather unfamiliar with American culture.* And let's say for further argument's sake that instead of interviewing people, you start your study by watching television to understand people.

What you see

• Too many diet commercials to count
• Ads for finally getting out of debt this year!
• Save on your taxes
• Savings on cars - best deals ever!
• A plethora of dating commercials
• Job hunting ads

What you conclude

All Americans must be fat, lonely, broke, unemployed, and lacking transportation.

Think about it. Television is largely a reflection of popular culture. It's a sad, sad picture we paint for the world, peeps.


*Clearly, if this is the case, you're the world's crappiest anthropologist but we're trying to make a point here

Important advice

In case you peeps were wondering, Grey's Anatomy was really, really awesome this week. We know you really needed to know that.

Network Television Finally Brings Food Allergy Awareness into the Mainstream

"C'mon guys, we've gotta get a move on!"
"What is that?"
"Peanut butter"
"Mom, we're a peanut free school"
"I know, but...Justin ate all the turkey, so just tell your teacher that it's (puts finger on mouth in shushing motion and whispers) soy butter"

The above dialogue is presented with thanks to ABC for airing it in this past Sunday's episode of "Brothers and Sisters". Now, we know what you think Poker Chick might be about to say, but we'll surprise you here. It's actually good to see a national network taking an issue present in most schools and bringing it to the mainstream. And since mothers of young children must be pretty big in this show's demographic, they are the perfect segment to be influenced by ABC's message regarding parents' roles in keeping our schools safe.

Poker Chick is most pleased to see the show taking moral responsibility seriously in its story lines, so much so, in fact, that she has been inspired to offer a similar scenario to the network for consideration:*

Keggers for Kiddos
(teenage girl on phone)

"Mom, why are you handing me the car keys? "
"Honey, I have to go take care of something, so please do me a favor and take your little brother to karate"
"But mom, I've had three beers. You know I'm not allowed."
"I know sweetie, but it's just once, it'll be fine, I promise."
"But what if a cop stops me?"
"Just tell them that it was some (whispers) bad apple juice and its.....its fermenting in your stomach. You'll make something up."
"I don't have a license. I don't even have a permit".
"Well I'm your mother and I hereby permit you to drive. There. Now go."
"What about Billy?"
"Well he can have one, but only one beer."
"Mom, he's five years old."
"You're right (hands her cup). Better mix it with half water."

Don't care for this one? Here are a couple other ones Poker Chick could write for you:

Doctor, Schmoctor:

"But mom, the doctor said I'm not supposed to go to school with meningitis"

But we need the money:

"Mom, I thought we had to tell the baby's mother that our house was condemned for lead paint?"

We don't like the neighbors anyway:

"Shouldn't I wash my hands of this raw chicken before going over to take care of old Mrs. Smith?"

Poker Chick would like to invite her readers to come up with some of her own, all will be posted (and not just in the comments section). For those a little less comfortable with the limelight, please feel free to send mad props to the writers over at ABC directly. Comments can be sent to the audience relations department via this link, or sent to:

ABC, Inc.
500 S. Buena Vista Street
Burbank, CA 91521-4551

(818) 460-7477

Feel free to cc your local congressman (or woman), we hear they love this stuff. Poker Chick is working on a fan letter of her own, but it will take a couple of days to perfect. After all, what does one say to a national network who just brought the issue of food allergies at school to the forefront of people's consciousness? Millions of children with serious allergies and their parents must be speechless thinking about the wonders this has done for their safety at school. Thank you doesn't seem to do it justice. She'll keep you posted.

*Original story lines by Poker Chick; all fictitious and sarcastic. All rights reserved.

Jack Bauer and How He Messes With Your Head

As with "Lost", Poker Chick enjoys a healthy love/hate relationship with "24". With "Lost" there's the unknown element of science beyond our knowledge, or magic, or who knows. Regardless, it's enough for you to sort of suspend disbelief long enough to buy the show.

With "24", PC's starting to struggle a bit too much and it's as if the writers aren't even trying to explain the inconsistencies anymore. And it's ruining a perfectly good story. For example, take the chip Jack Bauer ripped out of the enemy's body. This is major news - a chip that has the name of every double crosser in the entire government. The answer to his situation. The names that will give the President security and allow federal agencies to be re-utilized without fear of being compromised. So, after literally ripping it out of some man's body, with blood on his hands - what does Jack do? That's right. He hands it off to the first person who walks by with a blase "give this to this guy, will you?"

C'mon, Jack. You know better than this. Make a copy. Stick it under your hat. At least make a show of trusting who you give it to vs. some extra who jumped at the chance to make $400 that day. Do you really expect us to believe you're that dumb?

Next there's the chick he's working with. Despite years of FBI field training she suddenly develops a conscience and turns into a whiny baby over one dead body. Not that dead bodies aren't something to cry over. But it's a complete disconnect from the enjoyable 2-dimensional character you expect.

And then, right when you're starting to lose faith, you notice the eye makeup.

Yeah, yeah. Most women have that eye smudge from makeup when they cry. But in this case? Think about it. Enough mascara to smudge? So you really want us to believe that somewhere, after going rogue, getting shot in the neck, and being buried alive, somewhere in there she found time to re-apply her eye makeup?

Please. You have got to be kidding.

So to the writers of "24" Poker Chick says: Wake up, peeps. You're getting lazy and we're not dumb.

Who loves James Bond? We do!

We're posting a link to this post on MamaPop about Daniel Craig as James bond. Because he is one hot mother-f-ing bad-ass. And need we remind you he plays a mean game of poker?

And while we're at it, Don Draper (who this article also mentions) is pretty droolworthy as well. Both are on this chick's "list". Who's on yours?

America, The Stupid

Part I: What the hell happened to television?

Combine this nation's love of idiotic shows with a writer's strike, and what do you get?




Oh, world. We are truly embarrassed.

Mad About MadMen

Suuuuch an original headline, we know. Anyway.

If you're not already watching MadMen, you should be. Thanks to shameless self-promotion this season's viewers actually include people outside the ad biz too. Though a dark satire, it's still the closest comparison on film Poker Chick's ever seen to reality in this industry. And it's just an unbelievably well-written program, an artifact these days thanks to reality TV. But Poker Chick's not here to review a show.

She's here to bitch about the wives. Sitting at home, cooking and cleaning. Wearing pearls and lace bras and mixing drinks before their husbands get home. Seriously? Who the hell vacuums in pearls and full makeup? Isn't it a g-d given right as a mother to let yourself go if you're going to spend your day cleaning spit up? Can any woman reading this please just take a moment and thank g-d we do not live in 1960?

Now that she's off her soapbox, note that Poker Chick is not the only one that takes offense to this.* Gray Matter, in this post, has already casted the appropriate outrage at our industry, and it's much funnier than we could have written. So enjoy. And don't blame the show. They're just telling it like it was. With a great deal of hyperbole for dramatic effect.

Headlines

Forget the election, Middle East peace and Britney Spears, and focus on the real news you're missing:

1. Injuries when a bus en route to a casino burst into flames. Unthinkable.
2. A different way of denying rhinoplasty.
3. Stephen Colbert's in the National Portrait Gallery...really!
4. Bulldogs are the new black.
5. Bin Laden's son says Daddy wants a truce. What's he smoking?
6. Gary Coleman's back...with his pants off.
   
   And finally.....

Could it be? The return of television as we knew it? Will someone write a friggin' ending for Lost already!

This is too d*mn easy

The husband found this piece of news and it's definitely, as he put it, "blog-worthy". Now we all enjoy a good bridezilla story, here's another one where someone's just taken that concept of "your own special day" waaaaaay too far. Check out this Texas' bride wedding cake (left). Beyond ridiculous, this one's redonculous peeps. Poker Chick is wondering what the groom did first with that cake knife.*

*Special thanks to VH-1 for this image from their site.