Fashion and Function

This is a really interesting article on fashion accessories that have arisen to help kids and parents carry their epipens with less embarrassment.

Interesting. For what it's worth, Poker Chick used to use a ziploc, but now uses a "black patent" mini bag. It came inside this bag she started using as her "diaper bag that doesn't look like a diaper bag" on weekends. Fits snacks, clothes and mommy things. But the best part is the tiny bag inside the bag which is about the size of a wristlet. It's big enough to hold an epipen and benadryl and small enough to hold nothing else.

So that little "bag within a bag" gets moved from "diaper bag" to "purse" to "Poker husband's pocket". You always know where the epipen is.

Now, we know you were just dying to know all that, weren't you?

It's in the Jeans, Man

Poker Chick is a fan of fashion but likes to think she's not a slave to it. There's a time to splurge, a time to buy knock-offs, and a time to just say nooo. Thus, when new trends come out, she doesn't rush to follow them just because they're "cool". But sometimes, a chick gets sucked in.

Cue skinny jeans.

For years, PC has spoken out against them. They should be banned. The laws of physics mean they can't possibly look good on anyone who's not a tall thin supermodel. Skinny jeans are totally unflattering to 99.9% of the population. Sure, you can "hide" them with fake names such as "pencil" "cigarette" and "slim" but they're all just variations of the traditional skinny jean.

Why, you ask? Let's go over the anatomy of a woman, starting at the waist: the narrowest part of the torso. Go down to the hips and you have to move wider. With good jeans, the silhouette goes straight down or even flared from the hips, making the woman seem narrower. With skinny jeans, the ankles are narrow, accentuating a woman's middle. Pear-shape, muffin top, love handles, whatever your problem it's all hanging out there for the world to see. Do we really want our clothes to yell" "Hey, world! Look at me! Check out the mom hips!"

No. We don't. So not hot. Hence our aversion to "mom jeans". Which is why Poker Chick can not comprehend why this skinny jean trend is still in fashion.

Of course, with skinny jeans come boots. And this girl just got a cute pair that she can't smoosh her favorite jeans into and still zip up. And really, what's the point of the cute boots if no one can see them?

Thus, at the end of a bitterly cold Wednesday, Poker Chick found herself in a NYC boutique forking over a credit card in exchange for a pair of the latest "must have" skinny jeans.

Look away, peeps. We are so very ashamed.

Reason Number 57 Not To Frump It Up

Despite her high-fashion fancies, Poker Chick is a dress-down kind of chick. Jeans are the operating word here. And she still wears cutoffs and tees in the summer. You might call her style "sloppy chic", as UK likes to say.

As such, she often has to fight the urge to get lazy. Actually put makeup on for work. Wear the occasional skirt. And dress up the ripped jeans as she did yesterday with a jacket and accessories. And boy is she glad she did.

A lunch meeting turned up a random person she had gone to high school with. Now, this wasn't someone she knew well. Didn't even remember the name. But still. Could you imagine? Would you want this person going back to their friends (who might be people she once knew) and say things like "hey! Remember that girl Poker Chick? I saw her after many years. And guess what? Woof - woof!"

We don't think so, peeps.

So when she can, she'll make the extra effort not to be a slob. You just never know.

We're just saying.

Mad About MadMen

Suuuuch an original headline, we know. Anyway.

If you're not already watching MadMen, you should be. Thanks to shameless self-promotion this season's viewers actually include people outside the ad biz too. Though a dark satire, it's still the closest comparison on film Poker Chick's ever seen to reality in this industry. And it's just an unbelievably well-written program, an artifact these days thanks to reality TV. But Poker Chick's not here to review a show.

She's here to bitch about the wives. Sitting at home, cooking and cleaning. Wearing pearls and lace bras and mixing drinks before their husbands get home. Seriously? Who the hell vacuums in pearls and full makeup? Isn't it a g-d given right as a mother to let yourself go if you're going to spend your day cleaning spit up? Can any woman reading this please just take a moment and thank g-d we do not live in 1960?

Now that she's off her soapbox, note that Poker Chick is not the only one that takes offense to this.* Gray Matter, in this post, has already casted the appropriate outrage at our industry, and it's much funnier than we could have written. So enjoy. And don't blame the show. They're just telling it like it was. With a great deal of hyperbole for dramatic effect.

Cleaning House

Today was an odd day. Poker Chick has had a rather nasty cold the past few days, and this morning she woke up hardly able to swallow and with a low-grade temperature. It was 7:30am and she found herself sleepily making oatmeal and missing her bed while the husband slept. She realized he would need to take the mini to ballet this morning. She did not have the energy for getting dressed and out by 9:00, she desperately just needed to sleep.

9:01. Husband was still sleeping. F*ck. At this point she realized she was screwed. She gulped some mouthwash, threw on clothes and grabbed the mini. They had to run.

On the bus (they were too late to waste time walking the one mile) she decided if she was going to be up at this hour she might as well have the husband take the kid after so she could go to her now-and-again Pilates class (it's a lot harder than it sounds, seriously).

Thirty minutes after ballet and she had somehow gotten the mini changed, dealt with the potty, given her a snack, ran six blocks to the bookstore (all while carrying the "darling" who refuses to walk and eat at the same time), grabbed the workout clothes she forgot from the husband and threw them in her purse, ran another six blocks from there to her class, and changed in a flash once she got there. Even now she's not sure how she made it, it doesn't sound humanly possible. Seriously, that was one manic half hour.

The class was awesome as always, and it's always a bonus that it's taught by a friend. She worked through the sniffles*, and the weirdest thing happened after .

She had.....energy.

She walked home, all her muscles crazy sore, and after a bit of lunch she put the radio on and....just.....started.....cleaning.

If you know Poker Chick IRL you probably don't believe this. If you don't, all you have to do is read any post on how clumsy she is or how she's a sh*tty housewife, and you won't believe it either.

All the clutter under the windowsills....gone. Things thrown out, put away. And - this is the best - her ENTIRE closet switched over to summer. This certainly doesn't sound monumentous but you must remember we're talking about a monumentally messy and lazy person. The huge pile of clothes on top of the hamper had been serving as her closet since last summer. Well, that and the open suitcase next to the bed she's been living in and out of. Shoes were everywhere. But when she was done, not only was she able to put stuff in the hamper she was actually able to close BOTH closet doors!! Winter shoes were hidden away in boxes! Sweaters were put in the tee shirt drawer, while all the tee shirts came out to the closet in full view! Too-big, too-old, and too-outdated clothes were retired to a giant "donate" bag. She excitedly made giant to-do lists, including a small list of items she would need to pick up at the Container store to complete this impromptu project. The Container store? Willingly? Poker Chick?

It was unbelievable. It was like a day of shopping, for free**. With skirts finally on skirt hangers she was able to count them. (She owns 23 skirts. Just skirts. Damn). As shoes were placed next to, rather than on top of, each other she re-found the fun, less practical shoes that were always hidden away (Sparkly blue shoes! Jimmy Choos! And five pairs of flip-flops!). Belts, finally on a belt hanger. She owns a whole bunch of belts. Who knew??

At this point we stop and ask readers not to do the warranted eyeroll. We know most of you "put together" people go through this exercise every year. But believe it or not, Poker Chick had never done the wardrobe switchy-thing. So maybe it was ballet or maybe it was her muscles waking up, maybe it's just spring, or maybe it's Passover. But somehow, the goddess of female domesticity finally found Poker Chick. And so she had to write about it. Because something tells her she'll be gone in the morning.***


*we'll spare you the details of her cold. Add in asthma, imagine all the dust, and well...you can imagine the damage for yourself. It ain't pretty. But hey, her closet now is.
**Dear husband: please note, she still found some gaps she needs to fill this summer. We know what you're thinking as you read this so we're warning you now that shopping is still warranted. Of course it doesn't make sense to you. You're a guy.
***No matter. All that cleaning and this princess is thinking a mani/pedi is in order for tomorrow anyway.

Fall Fashion**

Today is the start of fashion week in New York. By now many of you know the importance of fashion to Poker Chick (this should not be surprising, after all, she is rather vain). One of her many talents is "people watching", which is really just a more polite term for "mocking the unfortunate fashion decisions of others". Still, though Poker Chick is a Superhero she is not immune to the occasional fashion pitfalls herself.

Today, she was playing her classic game of "I have nothing in my closet". The rules are simple: put something on, then take it off. Put something else on, then take that off too. Mix the two together, take off something while hopping on one foot, try something else on, pull a random scarf or belt out with your free hand, grab a shoe with your mouth, and repeat several times. The game ends when you find fashion kismet or the buzzer rings. Why even play? You've got to be in it to win it, baby.*

The buzzer came first today. Poker Chick realized as soon as she stepped out of her building that the skirt she had decided to leave on required completely different panties than the ones she was wearing. She was committing a crime commonly known as "VPL". The horror! Those whispers and giggles you thought you heard all day? They were real. Yep, the joke was on her. The stress was enough to deepen her "laugh lines". But wait, there's a cream for that....

Let's all take a minute to pity our poor Superhero. Or, at the very least, have a nice laugh.

*One of the "benefits" of living in New York is trying to play this game each day with success. Put PC next to your Aunt Ida from Topeka in her knit pumpkin sweater, and PC's a champ! On the runway (er, street) that is NYC? Not so much. At the runway (er, office) that is an Ad Agency in NYC? Still, not so much.
**Anyone get the title yet?