The Least Grateful Houseguest You've Ever Had

What do you get when you put two 30-something divorced siblings into a small Manhattan apartment together for several months?  (Three months, one week and 3 days to be exact, but who's counting?)

Sibling rivalry, revisited in adulthood, still looks like this

Strained relationships? Lots of snapping? A child that delights at seeing her Uncle dressed up in a suit, because she's put together the fact that job interviews will lead to his moving out?

Well, we wouldn't know about any of that.  But we do know for sure that it leads to high comedy.

Today we bid dear Poker Chick Brother farewell .  You may remember him from guest posts such as "Clumsiness Runs in the Family", which we sort of hate because it's the most read post on this blog ever.  Don't read it, ok? Definitely don't click that link and give him the satisfaction.   We're not bitter at all.   Nope, not us.

Poker Chick Brother and his amazing sturdy back spent a few months blowing up and deflating an air mattress every single day and sleeping on our never-as-neat-as-it-should-be living room floor.  He grudgingly *tolerated* being woken up at 7am every day, as mini would stare at his but crack over her breakfast cereal, which according to him she slurped unnecessarily loudly.

Most people, we'd venture to guess, do not get the pleasure of living with their siblings all over again after everyone has left for college and started their own lives.  That said, you were all horrible teenagers, right?  It would be much more civil in adulthood, right?

Right?

Wrong.

Turns out all those immature fights as children had nothing to do with childhood and everything to do with two siblings living together, period.  Bumping into each other while trying to brush teeth at the same time in a tiny bathroom.  Running out of the room in disgust as one sibling laughs with glee after encouraging a malodorous waft of you-can-guess-what into the other sibling's direction.  Coming home late from work excited for leftovers only to find out they are gone.  Fielding insights and criticism into one's housekeeping or lack thereof...

We got to relive that all over again.

So....

You'd think after all this we'd be happy to see the least grateful house guest in America finally leave, yes?

No.
 
After finally living alone for one night, it is eerily quiet and not nearly stinky enough around here.  You see, the sibling moved out.  After months of mooching, he moved all the way cross country to the West Coast.  Moving out and not even staying in the same city to babysit?  That, we believe, is the least grateful thing he's done yet.

Congratulations on finally landing a gig, Poker Chick Brother.  This floor is always here when you need it.

And Now, A Musical Interlude...

Ha-llelujah!!! Hallelujah. Hallelujah. Halle-e-lu-jah!

(Image, left, courtesy of a certain Quaker digital library. No sh*t, really.)

Handel's messiah chorus was the only song going through this Jew girl's head when the super announced that the water level in mini's room was finally zero. We could fill in all holes and paint away! Let the fixing begin! One can only imagine the sweet euphoric feeling following this news. Like a huge weight was lifted off her shoulders. This is an amazing feeling that lasted quite a while.

37 minutes, to be exact. Because that's when she noticed some pulling on the paint on the wall below the light switch on her bedroom. Suddenly the wet carpet in the hallway made sense. And.....(shocker!)....she followed the messed up paint trail up with her eyes only to find the plaster on her ceiling wet and heavy and looking about to cave in. Excellent.

Super comes back. Again.

Super (once again) claims no big deal. Vacant apartment upstairs has been showing without supervision and someone left the sink faucet on and left. Water shut off, it'll dry, building will fix it, problem solved. Thanks super. As always, most helpful.

Did any of you go to summer camp? If so, you may be familiar with the song that suddenly replaced any other lyrics in Poker Chick's head. It's unofficial title is "the most annoying song in the world".

Oh, this is the leak that never ends......

It's only funny because it's true, peeps. 100% true. 75 days and counting.

The Leak Saga, Part 3

Yesterday, a steam pipe exploded in a all in mini's room. That's right, you heard us, a steam pipe. Did you even know that could happen in apartment buildings? Apparently it can. Once every 5th floor. So now there is a hole in mini's wall that looks like this:
Of course, one could think to yourself: that's great!! This totally explains the wet plaster smell, the paint bubbling of the wall (and subsequent hole that was "dried up") yet remains inexplicably wet and thus still undiagnosed.

You could think that the mystery was finally solved, and it would be completely logical thinking. Except this wall on the complete other side on the room. So where does that leave us? One mysterious leak has been "simply explained" by poor plumbing in the apartment upstairs. Water lines were cut off. It did not dry up.

Then the "aha" of the leaky washing machine. Which was fixed except the smell was still there. And then the oven was pulled out of the wall so that we could find another leak. The water was shut off and it was chalked up to odd coincidence. Then the steam pipe exploded. And apparently this "part" that broke is only on every 5th floor.

Three (possibly four) crazy coincidences. And none of them have resolved the original issue, because somehow the wall is still getting wet. And remember also that roaches are attracted to the smell of wet plaster.


So Poker Chick is in need of help from you peeps. She needs answers to these questions:

1) Can anyone out there calculate the odds of all of this happening in the same room at the same time? There's gotta be a way to make some money off this in Vegas.

2) Can anyone advise a girl how to have the conversation with the insurance company who had already assessed and paid for the "initial" water damage? "No really sir, I realize how this must sound, I promise we are not making this up for the money.....hello? hello? Are you still there?"

Stay tuned for the exciting saga! It's too bad Poker Chick doesn't have a whole house. Home ownership is so much fun!!

Betcha Thought The Leak Was Fixed, Didn't You?

Several weeks, machines, and thousands of dollars later the wall is all dried up. The washing machine is fixed. We're ready to get the room re-plastered and repaired.

Except there's that wet plaster smell again. Doh!

As Poker Chick weekends seem doomed to torture these days, Friday night started with the oven being ripped away from the wall, revealing a giant puddle of water behind it. The water line from the sink to the fridge has been shut off, theoretically fixing this hidden "leak". Except that something is still wet inside after all that.

Stay tuned for next week, when Poker Chick will report on how her kitchen and bathroom have been completely ripped out and destroyed in order to find said leak. Have we mentioned how much this girl loathes home improvement?

Live From Hell It's A Poker Chick Update!

Poker Chick has been a little behind on posting. There is an explanation, and she'll post pictures of proof. But all we have to say is look up the word "industrial strength dehumidifier", add in a little insurance, a superintendent, and a 'neighborly' coop lawsuit, and you'll begin to understand what the last few days have been like.

More to come, we promise.

A little more, as promised, picture of industrial dehumidifier (right).