If you're a true fan of Poker Chick, it should come as no surprise that she hates Valentine's Day. No, despises. That's a better word. Wait! Loathes. Yes, Poker Chick loathes Valentine's Day. Those marketers at P&G had it right when they declared "Dump Cupid" in their Herbal Essences campaign.
If you have to ask why, then Poker Chick must shake her head in dismay. Why not? How can anyone fall victim to a made-up day that was marketed by Hallmark into a high-pressure event. Do you even know its origin? Legend has it* that on the evening before St. Valentine was to be martyred for being a Christian, he passed a love note to his jailer's daughter that read, "From your Valentine." This was around AD 307. Since then, in 1969 (interesting choice of year), the Catholic church removed St. Valentines Day as an official holiday from its calendar. Later, in the 1980's, the diamond industry joined forces with Hallmark and flower shops to up the ante. It began marketing "Valentine's Day" as an ocassion for giving jewelery. Did you know that today, one billion cards are sent worldwide each Valentine's Day?* This is second only to Christmas.
Clearly, one must declare their love to all they care about on this day, or suffer the consequences. What? You didn't get a card for your true love? No dinner reservations? No 1,000% off-season, marked up roses? Shame on you, you evil, evil human!!!
Those without romantic attachments are woefully reminded of their single status any time they walk into a store, surf the web, pick up a magazine, or turn on the TV. Those with secret crushes must dramatically confess on this day alone, or lose their window of romance forever. Dear, g-d! How did anyone know how to express their love before "Valentine's Day"?
Now perhaps Poker Chick sounds a bit cynical to you. But consider this, should you really get a "get out jail free" card for not expressing your love every other day of the year? Showing someone you love them shouldn't be relegated to a single day. And the importance of love shouldn't be so undermined by making it socially acceptable not to communicate it on every other day of the year.
Poker Chick knows that she is not alone in dreading this wicked holiday. Therefore, for those of us who feel "left out," Poker Chick will follow a tradition inspired by Frank Costanza. Yes, she is now declaring a new holiday on February 14th for those who wish to avoid the fat naked baby with a bow and arrow at all costs. It shall be called........
Stay tuned for details.
* Source: Legend
* Source: The Greeting Card Association