Saturday, March 17, 2007

Words you never want to hear....

I've just come home from 4 hours in the ER.

I'd been having a pretty bad asthma attack for the past few days, but was living in stubborn denial until that familiar barking cough came back to remind me to ask for help. So I went to the hospital. And prepared myself for a several-hour wait and lots of laughter from the staff. After all, this is an ER. People come in for actual emergencies. Gunshot wounds. 104+ fevers. Life-threatening dehydration. Broken limbs. I didn't even need to get to the waiting room to know that the people waiting there were really sick, hurt, or in pain. Here I am walking in on my own, no one with me, talking, walking. Of course I'd be at the bottom of the triage list.

Only I couldn't breathe.

Still, I waited for them to tell me I was being a baby and it wasn't all that bad. So imagine my surprise when I immediately jumped to the top of the triage list. Didn't wait for a second. No forms. Wasn't even asked for my insurance card! Before you could say "asthma" I was sitting on a reclining chair inhaling oxygen like a pro* (man, does that oxygen stuff feel good. I want me one of those at home.) Still, I waited for them to tell me I was fine and didn't really need to be there. I was certain of it.

Only they didn't. Instead I heard "well, the good news is, we don't have to intubate you..."

Um, excwheeze-me**? Whoever said anything about intubate? Since when was that even a consideration?

Definitely, definitely words you never want to hear.

Little Miss Alabama models the latest fashion nebulizer.

*"Pro": 80 year-old professional hospital patient
** Gimme some credit here people, that was funny!


Anonymous said...

Exwheeze me. Good one.

Anonymous said...

Glad you are doing better and man am I glad the whole asthma thing passed over me like an innocuous summer breeze.

-Poker-chick's brother