Thursday, December 6, 2012

The TMI Avalanche

Dec. 7 Update: Apparently the NYT had an Op-Ed about the same topic on the same day we wrote the below.  Draw your own conclusions.

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So....my boyfriend and I split up. Heartbroken.  But then we got back together. And he declared his undying love to me in his status feed.  You all saw it, right?  My ex-girlfriend was jealous but it was amazing.  But now I've been sitting by the phone all day waiting for him to call, and the only person that called was the Chinese delivery restaurant so now you can all be jealous of my kung pao.  In fact, hang, on let me show you a picture of this delicious chicken.  Getting my camera....taking picture...and there! Isn't it -

-Wait,there's the phone! It's him! Hang on - I'll give you the blow by blow and type as we speak.

[this section has been deleted due to content inappropriate for readers and parents of children who we respect too much]

Wow am I glad we resolved that.  Feeling so much better right now, the stuffiness in my nose is almost clear.  Remember I had that funny-looking mole removed from my back?  Well a week ago I found something funny growing on my foot, but then one of you (thanks Facebook friends!) suggested a great doctor, so I thought you might like to know I liked her so much I passed her name on to my cousin, who swears she fixed up all her problems "down there", if you know what I mean.  Needless to say she is going to remain single after that scare, but I digress.  How do I know all this? Well I found all this out at that restaurant you all recommended yesterday of course; where, if you will recall, I drank waaaaay to much.  My hangover is much better now after some onion rings and Gatorade for breakfast.  Though the headache sure didn't help me deal with that turd at work very well today.  Had to go off the wagon and have another smoke to get through it.  And can we say "yay" to elastic waistbands? I tell you, whoever made it acceptable to wear tights as pants is a geniu......oh wait! You won't tell that guy at work that I called him a turd, will you?  Speaking of turds....

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C'mon, peeps! You didn't think we were serious, did you!? Perhaps not, but it pretty much sums up some real life posts that you yourself might have seen on Facebook.

This is why we have so few friends on the social network behemoth ourselves.  If we're going to read about the intimate details of someone's life, we'd like it to be a detail of someone we know rather well.  And to our FB friends - we loves ya. We love the funny stuff you post.  We love that you post all the time and make us laugh.  We love the cute and tasteful pictures of your kids/pets/whatever.  And we appreciate that you have learned the line between sharing lots of details (fine) to sharing way more than anyone wants to know (not so fine).  To all those other people no longer on our list after making us cringe one time too many - we hope you learn to censor yourself, at least a little.  

Consider the unwritten golden rule of Facebook:  Oversharing in no way refers to the quantity of status updates you post.  Just sayin'.

Have YOU been a victim of TMI on Facebook?  Feel free to share this post.  And you're welcome.

1 comment:

Wendy said...

People's status updates about having laundry in the dryer and dinner on the stove I could do without. Plus the weekly blurry photos of somebody's toddler at their toddler gym class I could do without. I just hide the boring people. Lately I have a facebook friend who keeps posting photos of children with cancer, or something equally horrific and it says, "like if you care, if you don't like it you're evil and horrible!" or something like that. It makes me feel sad when I'm just wasting time for a minute on facebook. I don't hit like because I don't want everyone else I know to have to see it too, plus hitting like does not mean this child will suddenly get better or something. I think facebook makes people feel like they are part of a virtual community and they want to share everything because it's a way to feel better or vent or get feedback that used to be just for close friends and family but now has become acceptable in a more public format.