Saturday, September 22, 2007

Confessions From the Sanctuary

Well, the fast is over and Poker Chick is back on the computer with her belly nice and full. Today Poker Chick was wondering what bizarre thoughts go through people's heads as they deliriously try to stop thinking about food and pay attention to services.* So 'fess up, peeps, and add to her examples. You don't want our girl here thinking she's the only nutso in the world, do you?

  1. OK. So if this piece of chicken in between my teeth loosens right now and I swallow it, have I broken the fast?
  2. Who's that lady speaking to me and how do I wish her a good year without having to admit not knowing her name?
  3. If I haven't had anything to drink, why am I still going to the bathroom all the time?
  4. What page are we on? (repeat this question several times)
  5. If this is supposed to be an alphabetical list of sins, what happened to the letter 'h'?
  6. If "melech" means "king", how is the English translation suddenly calling it "sovereign"?
  7. How do I discreetly pass my donation to the ushers without letting anyone else see the amount?
  8. How many years will it be until I can make it through a Yizkor service without crying?
  9. Are they going to delay blowing the Shofar again to trick people into staying for Havdalah?
And, of course, the question everyone spends the entire Neila service thinking...

How many minutes left???

*In addition to thoughts of introspection, spiritual reckoning and moral resolve to do better, of course!


Anonymous said...

And, how do you peel an apple for your child without a knife when you're not supposed to eat the peel?!

Anonymous said...

I have to take this medication with food. Is a three-course meal overdoing it?

ALM said...

And why are my kids climbing on me during the service? Don't they know I'm hungry? Don't they know I'm cranky and on the tail end of a migrain?! Leve me alone!


If my ride back has to be the last person out of this synogogue & talk to every single person I'm going to eat the kippot.